it's time for a change

A Story by a Singaporean on FB

2012-02-02T04:59:00.000+08:00

Coming from a Singaporean..is inspiring.

LESSONS IN LIFE

My husband is an Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature, and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders.

Three years of courtship and now, two years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness.

I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings, I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband, is my complete opposite, his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about love.

One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce.

“Why?” he asked, shocked. “I am tired, there are no reasons for everything in the world!” I answered. He kept silent the whole night, seems to be in deep thought with a lighted cigarette at all times. My feeling of disappointment only increased, here was a man who can’t even express his predicament, what else can I hope from him? And finally he asked me:” What can I do to change your mind?”

Somebody said it right, it’s hard to change a person’s personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him. Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered : “Here is the question, if you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind, Let’s say, I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death, will you do it for me?” He said :” I will give you your answer tomorrow….” My hopes just sank by listening to his response.

I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting, underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes…. My dear, “I would not pick that flower for you, but please allow me to explain the reasons further..” This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading.

“When you use the computer you always mess up the Software programs, and you cry in front of the screen, I have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs. You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you. You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city, I have to save my eyes to show you the way. You always have the cramps whenever your “good friend” approaches every month, I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy.

You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom. You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes, I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails, and help to remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand… and tell you the color of flowers, just like the color of the glow on your young face… Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do… I could not pick that flower yet, and die.. ”

My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting… and as I continue on reading… “Now, that you have finished reading my answer, if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread and fresh milk… I rush to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread….

Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone…

MORAL LESSON: That’s life, and love. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness.

Love shows up in all forms, even very small and cheeky forms, it has never been a model, it could be the most dull and boring form.. . flowers, and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands… and that’s our life… Love, not words win arguments. —

2012-02-01T05:42:00.001+08:00

To be misunderstood, so be it.

Maligned

2012-01-31T04:27:00.002+08:00

I don'e even know why I'm caring so much.

I feel maligned. downright maligned. so maligned that I'm not even sure whether I'm feeling it correctly, that i'm starting to doubt whether I am right to feel maligned.

but i cant get it off my chest.

I feel like I'm having a permanent angina. not relieved with rest. not increased with exertion. constant. not increasing. just a heavy weight on my chest.

sighing gives it away that it's anxiety driven. but i'm convinced that it's gonna make my heart go into arrhythmia and then VT and then VF and then arrest where ur hearts pumping but not actually bringing blood out, and then sudden death.

would the person who maligned me actually feel anything at all? or would he feel so justified that he wouldnt even consider it?

lol.

why does being in people's bad books trouble me so much?

Sadness

2012-01-01T17:15:00.002+08:00

2012

2011-12-31T05:22:00.002+08:00

It's 5.22am, Singapore Time, New Year's Eve.

I am supposed to be sleeping, but I can't. I just cried a little in bed.

The newspapers are splattered with joyous messages about people reminiscing how the year went, making New Year Resolutions, meeting up with friends and family.

But I dread the new year, because the very next morning, I would be on the plane away away back to London, the very next day finding myself thrown back in hospitals trying to learn as much as I can to actually feel like I could become a safe doctor.

So I can't sleep in peace at all, although I know that I should count my blessings for even being back here.

I want to share these feelings, but how can I? If that will simply cause others to feel the same way.

I'm not even halfway through. I will grit my teeth and bear through this crazy shuttling between the two countries, my heart stretched and torn into shreds by the distance, time difference, and stresses of clinicals on my work-life balance.

I am fearful of the new year, of how I will cope when I get back to London. I am trying to be hopeful, to have faith in God. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I don't.

God, I need a sign that things are going to be alright. If not, I pray that You will work your wonders on my heart, to calm it, to give it peace and faith, that You will work in Your wondrous ways to do what is best for me. Shower me with Your blessings, shower our relationship with Your blessings. Change our hearts. Thank You. Amen.

True Love?

2011-12-10T03:52:00.002+08:00

Just watched the The Wedding Date. These few days, I have this thing for wedding movies, haha, not sure why.

Here's a really nice quote, that I hope is true...

at least, for me it is.

" When we were fighting, I thought this was over. And I was just going to leave you alone, and just take off. Then I realised, I'd rather fight with you than make love with anyone else."

Glad to have you in my life

2011-11-19T06:33:00.002+08:00

I have this propensity to overdo something when I like it.

Like perpetually ordering the SAME food from the SAME cafe when I find it delicious till the waiter knows exactly my order when I enter her visual fields, or when I finally get sick of it.

My best friend knows that pretty well. And my mum too lol.

But anyway, my point is, this is why I'm always having long hiatus interspersed with eruptions of posts.

Was just browsing through some people's blogs...and I realised how much people try to UNDERSTAND or find meaning in life...and this is when I start to find their attempts so ridiculous and stupid and so pitiful sometimes. and I just want to tell them with all the conviction and strong faith I have in my own answer, that the truth is that God is the meaning to life. And if they only knew God, damn, this whole search for truth would be so much easier.

And this is when I start to feel really thankful that God is in my life. Now and forever.

Change

2011-11-19T06:23:00.001+08:00

"Change is constant. But how we experience change, is up to us. It can feel like death, or it can feel like a second chance at life."

Double lives

2011-11-19T05:56:00.002+08:00

Tonight, I'm alone in my flat.

Shenghao's at Mauta (if that's how u spell it), Jamie's at training. Alexa's out somewhere (haha.)

THe flat's so quiet. It feels so late, but it's actually only 9.57pm.

Back home in singapore, I'll prob still be feeling bright and up, doing work like there's no tmr, feeling like the night's still very very young.

But in London, the day seems to wind down at 5pm, 9 pm seems too close to bedtime, and instead of doing work, I can only muster energy to watch online tv shows.

I eat differently from when I eat in Singapore. I live differently. My life is different.

And it's tough, because it makes me miss life in singapore. highlights in striking colours the differences, the FACT that I'm here and not there.

It's not a bad thing usually. Life is can be like a breathe of fresh air, an extended holiday, exciting life experiences, the gush of freedom and independence. yummy.

But sometimes, like the lonely nights that comes every so rarely,

it feels like this.

Something singaporeans back home will never feel nor understand.

The feeling of leading two lives, the feeling of having to keep switching. well, considering that I'm studying medicine, i could say that my preliminary diagnosis is iatrogenic bipolar disorder.

2011-11-17T04:11:00.001+08:00

You know sth? If a guy can actually get THAT angry at you, it's an honour.

Not that you should intentionally make that guy angry though. hurhur.

is this it?

2011-11-07T03:35:00.003+08:00

sometimes it feels like the future's so defined,
sometimes it feels like we're threading on such thin ice.
so it feels like we're falling through the cracks.
or maybe it's just me.

you're safe and sound.

I probably wouldn't feel quite as miserable as if I were dying alone.
with no one around to save me.

but you're standing there, just walking away. knowing but not caring.

as I sink

sink

sink

i'd rather u not know at all.

oh it feels so terrible, just sinking.

with that sickening faint hope that I might be save.

by everyone, else.

I doubt you know.

because you don't care enough to find out.

you're just angry and don't realise that it's making me sink.

sink

sink

sink

sink

sink

goodbye.

Mixed feelings

2011-11-04T13:57:00.002+08:00

These days, the time just flies me by,
patients, teaching, procedures, meetings, histories and examinations, operations.
So much to see, so much to learn,
it's hard to describe what I'm feeling now -
stress, fatigue, but somewhere out there I can still feel happiness,
albeit faintly;
because at the end of the day, i'd very much rather be in hospital,
doing something medical
in an attempt to learn.

Stop and Smell the Roses

2011-10-26T22:19:00.001+08:00

Why we should stop and smell the roses.

So much.

2011-10-26T22:15:00.001+08:00

So much to learn,
So much to do,
So much I do not know yet.

Everyone wants to get there in the end,
Hurriedly.

That it's hard to stop and think.
And rest.
And escape from all that guilt.

Poodles

2011-10-16T01:13:00.002+08:00

I LOVE DOGSSSSSSSSSS, Dogs are soooo cute (: I saw 3 small poodle puppies in Holland Park while walking back home from my GP surgery session. ahhhhhhhhhhhhh <3

Reflections on clinicals

2011-10-15T15:07:00.003+08:00

1) There's a reason why advice is called advice.

2) When you're anything but a consultant or head nurse, you're squashed in the middle of a system, and the saying 'failure to plan is a plan for failure' is no longer as relevant. It's more important to be at the right place at the right time...

3) And therefore, the trick to surviving clinicals, is to plan, but always have a positive attitude. Always.

4) You still have to plan. But now you have to plan on how you want to spend your free time. Because you need to have free time, but you always have unlimited amount of knowledge and skills to learn.

Gosh.

2011-10-08T16:31:00.001+08:00

when stress comes, health goes out of the window

The Invitation by Oriah

2011-09-17T03:12:00.000+08:00

The Invitation by Oriah
It doesn’t interest me
what you do for a living.
I want to know
what you ache for
and if you dare to dream
of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me
how old you are.
I want to know
if you will risk
looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me
what planets are
squaring your moon...
I want to know
if you have touched
the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened
by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.
I want to know
if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.
I want to know
if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations
of being human.
It doesn’t interest me
if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear
the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.
I want to know
if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”
It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.
It doesn’t interest me
who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.
It doesn’t interest me
where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know
what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.
I want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments.

By Oriah © Mountain Dreaming,
from the book The Invitation
published by HarperONE, San Francisco,
1999 All rights reserved

Pretty without makeup

2011-09-08T19:03:00.000+08:00

Angelina Jolie looks so pretty without makeup!

Pretty-ness

2011-09-06T02:07:00.002+08:00

Days with my Father

2011-09-01T23:38:00.004+08:00

If you read my blog selectively, skipping many: Pls choose to read this: follow the link. It's worth it.

This is heart-rendering. I wished I had the ability to capture feelings with just words and pictures. I wished I had the ability to distill my emotions so clearly and to express them so well.

I teared. Thinking about how I might meet the last days of my loved ones. It's really painful and lonely to be the last one standing, in my opinion. And if so, I would prefer that between me and my future partner, I'll be the one left, so I can take care of him till the end of time.

http://www.dayswithmyfather.com/

Advice on Surviving Med Sch

2011-09-01T22:33:00.001+08:00

Good advice from Medscape Medical Students.

Just dun quite agree with the point on group studying: it may not be everyone's cup of tea, but that said, I do believe that we should not break communication with our peers, and to consult and help each other out whenever the need arises.

Tips for Surviving Medical School
Farook W. Taha; Adeleke T. Adesina
Authors and Disclosures
Posted: 02/04/2011
Medical Student Rating: ( 258 Votes ) Rate This Article:

Print This Email this
Share

Medscape FREE App available on
iPhone, iPad, Android, & BlackBerry
-Search our Drug & Disease Reference
-Read Daily Medical News
-Complete CME Activities

Download Now
Remember when you were a premedical student in college? It seems like a century ago for many of us who have just completed the first year of medical school. It feels that way because our lives have changed dramatically. Normal life seems to have vanished, and suddenly, 24 hours in a day are not enough to get through the enormous volumes of information that we are expected to learn for every exam. It seems virtually impossible. We barely have time to eat or sleep.

Medical school is not the end of the world. Take it from us, 2 students who have been there, when we say that medical school is what you make of it. Do not let medicine define you; instead, you should tailor medicine to your lifestyle. Otherwise, you might become overwhelmed by the demands of your new life and lose the sense of why you chose medicine in the first place.

How do you survive medical school? From the beginning, time management must be a major priority. If you can manage your time successfully, you can still enjoy your life to a certain extent. Studying in med school is not the same as it was in college; this is a new world where you have to explore different techniques and find what works best for you. In medical school, it is all about studying smart, not studying hard. If you don't know this at the beginning, you will learn it the hard way.

Studying medicine is a long process and demands a great amount of discipline and sacrifice. But the reward is priceless. We hope that you chose medicine for the amazing field it is: the rich opportunities it provides for helping humans and the avenues it opens for making a difference in the world. The following are some of the most common pieces of advice we have collected:

Take care of yourself. You may face long-term negative consequences to your health if you adopt negative behaviors. Do not deprive yourself of healthy, fresh food. Do not ruin your health by eating fast food and avoiding exercise. Do not pull all-nighters and deprive your body and brain of sleep; the consequences are too severe for what may be only 15 minutes of productive studying. Your brain needs fresh food, water, fruits, and vegetables. Your body needs exercise and sleep.
Do not compete with your classmates or compare your grades with others. We all had to be competitive to get into medical school. But once you are accepted, it becomes a level playing field. Although many students still compete with their classmates, it will not make them better physicians. Getting a 95% on your pathology exam does not mean you will be a great pathologist or clinician. As soon as you walk out of your first exam, look around, and you will see people obsessing about what the right answer was for Question 13. It is easy to spot them. They will come to you and ask you if you put "C" for Question 84. Seriously! Avoid everyone after the exam, and make friends with those who share your philosophy.
Answer practice questions while you study. "Studying my notes 10 times is probably the best way to prepare for exams." Wrong! The only way to test your learning is to do practice questions. For example, after studying your Board Review Series physiology textbook, make sure you complete the questions at the end of each chapter. This will help solidify the concepts you just read. Studying the same thing repeatedly does not make you smarter, but getting a question wrong will teach you quite a bit. Professional educators will tell you that it is statistically proven that students who do more questions perform better on boards, and that the only time you should go back to the big books is when you consistently miss questions on a certain topic and the answer explanations are insufficient.
Learn the big picture. You will likely start your first day in school delving into biochemistry, anatomy, physiology, or histology. From the start, instructors talk about columnar cells, impulse transmission, and glycolysis in fine detail. The next day, you are learning about brachial plexus and cardiac output. This is an enormous amount of information overload and students are often not prepared. As you memorize, learn the big picture
Study with groups. "I am going to study on my own because I don't need anyone's help." Wrong! Medicine is all about teamwork and sharing information. You have to be able to cooperate with others. Even when you apply for residency, it is important to keep this concept in mind. The moment the residency directors feel you will not be a good team player or that you might have "issues" with your colleagues, your application goes in the shredder. Find a small group of people who share the same healthy habits as you, meaning they like to exercise, they do not like to discuss grades, and they have a positive attitude. Once you find the right group, arrange to meet weekly for several hours to ask each other questions about concepts you do not understand. Even better, ask each other questions on little details you think your friends might have understood. Arrange for a review session the night before the exam for last-minute tweaking of your knowledge.
Take time to engage in stress-relieving activities. Everyone in your class is facing the same amount of stress, some people more than others. You might notice some students walk around with a frown, whereas others wear huge smiles. How is that possible if they are all facing the same pressure? Again, it is time management. If you have extra time, you are able to reduce stress. Spend time with friends, or do something on your own that makes you feel better. Activities like exercise, yoga, listening to calm music, talking to your parents or praying -- there is something out there that makes you feel better. Find it and do it. Do not let the stress affect your studies, relationships and, most importantly, health.
Finally, and we cannot emphasize this enough, remember that we are joining a great profession. Be passionate about what you are learning! Medicine is a treasure and an art. As Henri Amiel said, "To me, the ideal doctor would be a man endowed with profound knowledge of life and of the soul, intuitively divining any suffering or disorder of whatever kind, and restoring peace by his mere presence."

Editor's note: This was adapted from a book manuscript in the publication process, How to Prepare for the Medical Boards – Secrets for Success on USMLE Step 1 & COMLEX Level 1, by Adeleke T. Adesina and Farook W. Taha.

so pwettie!

2011-09-01T16:53:00.003+08:00

Mercy and Grace

2011-08-19T15:29:00.002+08:00

God is merciful and graceful. I'm still not sure if He approves, but so far, I choose to believe that it has been with his loving and guiding hand that we have overcome so many barriers and come thus far.

A big thank you to my dear friends and family, who have stood by me during this difficult time, giving me reason and comfort.

And of course, thank you to the generous, understanding and kind Professor without whom this may not have worked out.

Greatest thanks goes to God, who through His way, made all impossible things possible.

Fashion

2011-08-08T18:46:00.003+08:00

Insane marriage proposal

2011-08-08T13:03:00.004+08:00

This is insane. You've gotta admit that he's quite cool, albeit crazy.

2011-08-08T12:56:00.001+08:00

Cynthia wang, acting as Shan Shan in Devotion, is the prettiest asian I've seen so far on tv (:

Yearning for God.

2011-07-21T02:14:00.002+08:00

Stupid Sarah Tai. You should yearn for God even when times are good. (or rather not that bad). and all the more when the bad times are over. Because God has been faithful and loving to you - you who sin relentlessly, countlessly, failingly - all the more that you should be faithful and loving to the Perfect Sinless God.

Soft Hearts and Hard Feet

2011-07-15T09:29:00.003+08:00

I'm really loving my daily scoop of the Bible from my church in London!

And because of that, I'm really grateful for the crisis in my life, and the previous crisis for building and preparing me up for this.

Not being sadistic here, but honestly, the best gift in life to me, to anyone, is the knowledge of God and a relationship with Him, to experience his grace, mercy, greatness, power, and the one thing that emcompasses it all: Love.

Yeah, so to be honest, with all the 21st birthdays coming up around me, all I want to do is to give each and every one of them some book about God. And if you are a Christian, the only thing I want to do is to give you something related to God.

Anyway, back to Soft Hearts and Hard Feet.

I rarely blog about my daily bible readings. Not because they do not resonate with me. No, because they actually do. More and more frequently in fact, as I read, I understand them better (:

But this is important in my situation now, and serves as a very good reminder for the future, to have soft heart and hard feet, all the more in crises.

The bible scoop is below.

just want to say that this has reminded me that crises in life are what brings us closer to God, what strengthens our faith, and that we should be glad in our despair and sorrow. And that is why, we should all the more have soft hearts and hard feet: soft hearts to continue to bless others and receive blessing from God - for this is never possible with a hard heart; hard feet because we want to stand strong in our faith of the Lord.

So with that, I'm going to brush aside my woes and try to be kinder and more helpful to others, more so at this period of time.

Friday, 15th July 2011

Soft Hearts and Hard Feet
A twenty-one year old music college student took the cheapest ship she could find, calling at the greatest number of countries, and prayed to know where to disembark. She arrived in Hong Kong in 1966 when the cultural revolution was beginning in China and a flood of refugees were about to burst across the border into Hong Kong. More and more people crammed into a place called the Walled City. It was a small, densely populated, lawless area controlled neither by China or Hong Kong. It was a high-rise slum for drug addicts, gangs and prostitutes. She wrote,

‘I loved this dark place. I hated what was happening in it but I wanted to be nowhere else. It was almost as if I could already see another city in its place and that city was ablaze with light. It was my dream. There was no more crying, no more death or pain. The sick were healed, addicts set free, the hungry filled. There were families for orphans, homes for the homeless, and new dignity for those who had lived in shame. I had no idea of how to bring this about but with “visionary zeal” imagined introducing the Walled City people to the one who could change it all: Jesus.’

Jackie Pullinger has spent nearly half a century working with prostitutes, heroin addicts and gang members. I remember so well a talk she gave at HTB some years ago. She began by saying, ‘God wants us to have soft hearts and hard feet. The trouble with so many of us is that we have hard hearts and soft feet.’ Christians should have hard feet in that they should be tough rather than morally weak or ‘wet’. Jackie is a glowing example of this in her willingness to go without sleep, food and comfort in order to serve others. Yet she also has a soft heart: a heart filled with compassion. The toughness is in her feet, not her heart.

God wants us to have soft hearts – hearts of love and compassion. But if we are to make any difference to the world we also need hard feet as we travel along tough paths and face challenges. In each of the passages for today we see the issues that matter to God and why we need ‘soft hearts and hard feet’ in order to tackle them.

1. Issues of love
Proverbs 17:5-14
Our aim should be to live a life that ‘promotes love’ (v.9a).

Love the poor
Our attitude to the poor reflects our attitude to God. ‘Whoever mocks the poor shows contempt for their Maker’ (v.5a).

Love your family
God’s ideal is for us to enjoy close and loving relationships between parents, grandparents and children. ‘Children’s children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children’ (v.6).

Love your friends
Love between close friends is extremely valuable. We need to guard our friendships. This means we must not quickly take offence or bear a grudge. ‘Whoever covers over an offence promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends’ (v.9).

Love your critics
Jesus told us, ‘Love your enemies’ (Matthew 5:44). This would certainly include our opponents and critics.

We need to be really careful not to start arguments. ‘Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out’ (v.14).

A soft heart is willing to take criticism, whether it comes from a friend or even from an ‘enemy’. ‘A rebuke impresses a discerning person more than a hundred lashes a fool’ (v.10).

Lord, help us to love like this. Help us to guard our relationships in our families, with our friends, and with our critics. Help us to promote love in everything we do. Help us to love the poor and make a real difference to their lives.

2. Issues of the heart
Romans 2:17-3:8
Paul’s argument in Romans now moves on to what it means to be a Jew. The Jews are God’s chosen people. It was intended that they should walk in a relationship with God. So they were given the law. They knew God’s will (vv.17–18). They were meant to be ‘a guide for the blind, a light for those who are in the dark, an instructor of the foolish, a teacher of infants’ (vv.19–20).

Physical circumcision was the outward and visible sign intended to reflect the inward and invisible attitude of the heart. Paul argues that sadly they have failed to keep God’s law (vv.21–27).

He then redefines what it means to be a true Jew: ‘A person is not a Jew who is only one outwardly, nor is circumcision merely outward and physical. No, a person is a Jew who is one inwardly; and circumcision is circumcision of the heart, by the Spirit, not by the written code. Such a person’s praise is not from others, but from God’ (vv.28–29).

What matters to God is the heart. Every person who has the Holy Spirit living in their heart is a true Jew. In this sense, every true Christian is a true Jew.

Does Paul, therefore, abolish the distinction between Jew and Gentile? No. He goes straight on to say, ‘What advantage, then, is there in being a Jew, or what value is there in circumcision? Much in every way! First of all, they have been entrusted with the very words of God’ (3:1–2). What an amazing privilege! We have not only the words of God in the Scriptures they had, we also have the words of Jesus and the whole of the rest of the New Testament.

Later on in Romans he will expound this at greater length (Romans 9–11). Meanwhile, he digresses to deal with an argument his opponents have levelled against him (3:3–8). He stresses again God’s faithfulness. Even when we are faithless, God remains faithful to us. It would be absurd to take advantage of this by doing evil. Rather God’s faithfulness encourages us to be faithful to him.

Lord, thank you that you look to the heart. Thank you that you circumcise our hearts by the Holy Spirit. Lord, fill my heart today with your Spirit, with love and compassion for every person I meet or pray for.

Thank you that you have entrusted us with the very words of God. Thank you for your faithfulness to us. Help us to be faithful to you today.

3. Issues of poverty and justice
Amos 1:1-2:16
Amos was not an ordained minister. He was a layman. The word translated ‘shepherd’ (1:1) probably means a sheep breeder. He was a lay prophet. His ministry probably took place around 760-750 BC.

Like the apostle Paul, Amos proclaims God’s judgment against Jew and Gentile. His prophecy is an illustration of the principle which the apostle Paul was later to expound: ‘All who sin apart from the law will also perish apart from the law, and all who sin under the law will be judged by the law’ (Romans 2:12).

He starts with those who ‘sin apart from the law’. Israel’s neighbours had committed terrible sins. They are condemned for their excessive cruelty and horrible tortures (Amos 1:3), for slavery and slave trading (v.6), for ‘stifling all compassion’ (v.11), for ripping open pregnant women (v.13) and for desecrating the dead (2:1). Amos speaks of God’s wrath at such terrible sins (1:3,6,9,11,13).

As we saw two days ago, Paul put it like this: ‘The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of those who suppress the truth by their wickedness, since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. For since the creation of the world, God’s invisible qualities – his eternal power and divine nature – have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that they are without excuse’ (Romans 1:18–20).

Amos and Paul are both arguing for a ‘natural law’. Even if they did not have the written law of God, there is a ‘natural law’ – ‘written on their hearts’ (Romans 2:15). They know that certain things are wrong. This was effectively the basis upon which the leaders of the Third Reich were condemned at the Nuremberg trials.

Amos, like Paul, goes on to say that those who have the written law will be judged by an even stricter standard. Paul says, ‘all who sin under the law will be judged by the law’ (Romans 2:12). Amos turns from judgment on the Gentiles to judgment on Judah and Israel ‘because they have rejected the law of the Lord and have not kept his decrees’ (Amos 2:4).

Although God had acted on their behalf in history – through the conquest, exodus and wilderness (vv.9–10) – they failed to keep his laws. In particular, the issue that matters to God is their attitude to the poor and needy. ‘They sell the righteous for silver, and the needy for a pair of sandals. They trample on the heads of the poor as upon the dust of the ground and deny justice to the oppressed’ (2:6c–7b). They are also guilty of slavery and sexual sin (2:7c).

The sins of Israel are not as horrific as those of the pagans. Yet the judgment against them is as severe (vv.13,16) because God has blessed them so richly (vv.10–11). We are not to congratulate ourselves that our sins are less than the world around us. Our sins may be less obvious, but they may be as great in God’s sight.

Lord, we see how much you care about issues of justice and poverty. Help us to focus our lives and ministries on these issues. As we look at our world of extreme poverty and injustice, give us soft hearts of compassion and love, and hard feet to go out and do something about these issues.

Pippa Adds
Proverbs 17:6

‘Parents are the pride of their children.’ We can but hope!

Proverbs 17:14

‘Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.’

I love the Book of Proverbs. It has such practical advice. It is a temptation when quarrelling to want to have the last word. Disagreements can escalate so easily. This proverb says to drop the matter, let it go, and move on.

Feedback

2011-07-15T09:17:00.002+08:00

Life's lessons come when you least expect them to.

In medical school, we are taught to self-reflect, ask for feedback, give feedback and receive feedback. So all these while I have been learning about the dos-and-don'ts, but never once really understanding them.

Or at least now I know I never really understood them: because it seems like it's only when I finally had an enlightenment about them, that I realised how little I actually understood about them in the first place.

What I realised is this:

We often ask people around us for feedback: to read through a piece of writing, to comment on our performance etc.

But more often than not, everytime people do give us feedback when we ask for it, feedback is often received with resistance - lots of resistance; prideful, dismissive, defensive resistance.

We might not realise this but this actually has a negative impact on the person giving our feedback: he may start to lighten the touch of his feedback, self-censor a bit more by removing the harsher points, or basically stop giving feedback

True, not all feedback is useful. We might know better. But we asked for feedback in the first place. If we react this way, perhaps we should not ask in the first place. Because our reactions will negate the purpose of asking the feedback in the first place.

So this time, I'm making a mental note, that I hope is sticky enough to last me many years, that when I ask for feedback, to receive it humbly and with an open mind. Being grateful for the feedback, taking it all in (that is not to say I blindly listen and follow all feedback!), before honestly, calmly evaluating the feedback for their usefulness, relevance, reliability, accuracy, insightfulness etc,

The Peace of Wild Things

2011-07-15T01:44:00.002+08:00

Finally started reading this book that my good friend Jacqueline gave me for my 21st birthday. Couldn't bring myself to start on it though i fully trusted her judgment that this was a good book, and that I believed that it probably is God-sent.

The book is called Prayer - Does it Make a Difference by Philip Yancey.

And now, finally, I started. and I am glad I decided to start it only when I felt it was the right time to, cos now it seems just right. Thanks Jacq for everything <3

Came across this poem which I would like to share with everyone who is in troubled times, and cannot seem to calm their heart. And despite the self-chastise to have faith in God, the fear and anxiety just keeps bubbling like a teapot left on the stove too long.

THE PEACE OF WILD THINGS

When despair grows in me
and I wake in the middle of the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water,
and the great heron feeds. I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting for their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

Wendell Berry, from Collected Poems

2011-07-14T14:42:00.002+08:00

I'm scared. Really scared. because I have so much to lose. and because it's not only my future that rests on this, but my family's and my sister's.

Please show me mercy, God, through the people who shall be passing judgment on me. Please.

Fear

2011-07-14T12:20:00.002+08:00

Fear, is something I did not really know or was aware of.
Fear, is what I'm feeling now.

Paralysing, etching, stifling, enlightening.

Fear comes with Power.

And perhaps the only thing that can overcome it is a large dose of faith in the all-mighty God.

I really really need that now.

Give me faith God.

Misunderstood

2011-07-14T00:08:00.003+08:00

I really hope things will work out and that I didn't step on anyone's toes, or that I haven't blacklisted myself.

All I want is to have my options back, as promised.

Now after hearing stories, I'm more afraid than ever: afraid of being perceived and judged the wrong way, afraid of saying things so unclearly that it wasn't actually what I meant.

I know I am young, inexperienced, perhaps dumb, silly, naive, in comparison to the people who will be deliberating my case. I hope they understand that despite all that, I decided to come forward truthfully, honestly, without beating around the bush.
And that if I fell short in any aspect, be it communication, EQ, IQ, politesse, I hope instead of penalising me, they would have the mercy and kindness to point it out to me, teach me so I can improve for the better. I do want some lessons in dealing with these type of situations and how to interact with my superiors.

The Ten Commandments

2011-07-12T12:46:00.001+08:00

The Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:2-17 NKJV)
1 “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. You shall have no other gods before Me.
2 “You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them nor serve them. For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing mercy to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My Commandments.
3 “You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes His name in vain.
4 “Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord your God. In it you shall do no work: you, nor your son, nor your daughter, nor your male servant, nor your female servant, nor your cattle, nor your stranger who is within your gates. For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and hallowed it.
5 “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.
6 “You shall not murder.
7 “You shall not commit adultery.
8 “You shall not steal.
9 “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
10 “You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor's.”

http://www.the-ten-commandments.org/the-ten-commandments.html

Craving Jesus

2011-07-12T11:48:00.003+08:00

I crave Jesus so much now, that last night, I wished that the sms received was from Him. maybe i didn't wish hard enough.

Sometimes I wish He would appear out of nowhere and I can finally have a chance to really talk to Him for real, instead of Him just being there, and I just speaking to thin air hoping that He is listening, and me looking for vague vague signs and taking that leap of faith into thinking that maybe he is saying something.

Then when I do wish it, I find myself fearful of seeing him for real, that I'll get a heart attack from shock or sth.

But last night, I truly truly wished He smsed me, some words that would guide me, comfort me, and tell me what to do, how things would turn out.

I'm fearful Lord, I'm insecure Lord, I want love but I do not believe in it enough, that on this earth there will be someone other than you who can love me for who I am, and forever and ever.

I am fearful of believing that a guy, a human guy, will never ever have a change of heart. that there is such things as a happily ever after.

It's so damn hard to take such a leap of faith because you give so much of yourself, you reveal to that person all the disgusting bad stuff about you, and you don't know if twenty years down the road, or heck, 40, 50 years down the road, he'll wake up, and think: shit, who is this girl? I think I made the wrong choice...seeya.

Love is...

2011-07-11T03:02:00.004+08:00

Love is...

When one can sense when the other person's down;
When one makes sacrifices for the other person;
When one tries to make the other sad person smile again

A hug, a kiss
A hug, a kiss

what you always give to me, even when you are angry.
what makes my heart cry, even when I'm happy,
what makes me give praise to the Lord,
what makes me feel so blessed,

That I just want to spend the rest of my life with you, always.

(and if people knew how much you love me, girls all over the world would be clamouring for you)

Dilemma

2011-07-11T00:19:00.003+08:00

I know why you say no;
But Im feeling the fire in my heart just smothering
And smothering

I need to be inspired.
To learn again what life and friendship is all about
To have a worthy cause in my life to work towards
To at least try to live my life not for me and you,
But for the misfortunate others.

I need to know that I have given it a go
And not given up this only chance in my life
When I had the opportunity in the first place.

Never had I such a strong desire to help people
Since a very long time
And I want to hold on to it strongly
Because I know that in the self-centred me,
Such a motivation rarely comes by
And when it does,
I want to make full use of it,
To at least try to be a blessing to others.

At least try.

And I wish that you would have more faith in me.
To see me as someone able to take care of myself.

If not,

you'll make me wonder, how do you see me? and why do you have so little faith in me? in the world.

2011-07-08T12:23:00.003+08:00

I admit now that my thoughts are indeed very very messy. And that I'm a very messy person. Need to be more organised. If not one day it will definitely spell disaster.

I'm always looking back and saying, " i'm not too bad", maybe that's true, but I should always always be thinking, "yeah but the point is how do i do better?"

Fights

2011-07-01T17:12:00.001+08:00

This is good comfort to me. at the moment.

Marital Fights

Fights happen.

Even the most loving couples find themselves sparring with each other from time to time. Marital arguments or fights are ugly and bleak. They chip away at the pleasure you take in being with each other and sometimes make you question whether you ought to be together at all.

Fights are one of those "off-limits" areas, something that no couple wants to think about too much. We'd all rather they never happened, and when we're at peace with each other the last thing we want to think or talk about is the rip-roaring, knock-down, drag-out, I-Can't-Believe-He-Said-That-to-Me emotional brawls we've had.

This is mainly because, without having any guidance of any kind about what marriage is or how to have a good one, we all grow up thinking that true love means never fighting, that your true soul mate will never raise his or her voice to you, will never be disappointed or angry, and that the two of you will drift off into eternal bliss without so much as a frown between you, ever. We start out in starry-eyed bliss with each other and can't comprehend ever finding fault with our precious one. So when we do start to get on each other's nerves, or when we do fight about very real issues that we disagree on or have trouble understanding, one of our first thoughts is - this is bad. This is not right. This is over. If I were really meant to be with this person, we wouldn't ever fight.

I think there are too many causes, too many individual reasons people fight for me or anyone else to comment fairly on why it happens. I can't tell you why, specifically, you fight with your husband or why you don't fight with your wife, and neither can anyone else outside of your relationship. And I'm not trying to suggest that marital fights are good. But I have come to the conclusion that there are three key things we can and should understand about all marital fights.

First,

Only strong personalities fight.

Only confident and determined people have the courage to stand up for their beliefs, even when their beliefs are being challenged by the person they love most in the world. Only secure, self-assured adults of character will defend themselves in such a way. If a woman is meek and timid and placates her husband or stays silent because she's afraid of fighting, there is an imbalance in that relationship, and little honesty. She herself is nothing more than a frightened child, worried about causing problems and willing to subjugate her own sense of justice. If a man represses his anger because he doesn't want to disrupt his peaceful home by fighting with his wife, he too challenges the integrity of their marriage. He too reveals that he has a childish fear of self-assertion.

At the very least, a marital fight shows that neither partner is a wallflower or a pushover, neither one will "go along" just to keep the peace, neither one will sacrifice their beliefs just to avoid the unpleasantness of a fight. A marriage requires strength, character, and individualism if it's going to last; no matter how unpleasant a fight may be, it is a small price to pay for fostering self-confidence and mutual respect.

Secondly,

Fighting couples value their marriage.

People who fight with each other, within reason, value the meaning of their marriage. They don't want to exist in a false relationship based on surface pleasantries and repressed anger. They respect their marriage enough to want honesty and integrity - even if it means a fight - rather than a sham of a relationship that will fall apart out of apathy sooner or later. People who fight are usually passionate about wanting things to be "right" again, about wanting to end whatever problem causes them to fight and get back to the joy and comfort they find in each other most of the time. These are people who may hate fighting but they hate letting animosity fester even more. They may be scared of losing their relationship, it may terrify them to think that this person may not be the one for them, but they would rather know that, or find a way to change that if it is so, than to lie to themselves for the sake of a shallow marriage.

Couples who fight also feel safe with each other. They know that they can express their anger without doing real harm. While it often doesn't feel like it when you're in the middle of one, a fight is really a confirmation that this person is trusted and loved enough for you to reveal your true self. Some people say that this is precisely why you shouldn't fight with a loved one, that you should answer their love and respect with love and respect of your own. While I agree wholeheartedly that your husband or wife should be the last person you want to hurt, I also know that human beings are not emotionally perfect. When you need to express negative emotions, within reason you need to feel that there is someone who will understand and forgive you, as you would do for them. Fighting couples show each other that this is so.

Thirdly,

Fights are usually a symptom of a bad relationship, not the cause.

While it's true that fighting too much can damage a relationship, it's important to realize that people usually fight because the relationship is damaged in the first place. No happy couple fights for no reason. No couple ever fell apart because fights happened to fall out of the sky and land in the middle of their lives. Couples don't break up because their fighting is causing a problem in their relationship, but rather because problems in their relationship are causing fights. It's amazing how few people understand this distinction. The key is in examining your life, and in figuring out what it is you fight about, and what you can do about stopping it.

So when is fighting truly dangerous to a relationship? When it doesn't blow over, when you can't make up and don't want to. When the love you have is not strong enough to make you battle through your tears, to make you turn the car around after you've sped off in a huff, to make you walk back through slammed doors. When what you're fighting about involves fundamental issues or values. When the fights are truly harmful or vicious, when they're physical or frightening, when they border on outright disrespect or abuse. When you ask yourself "Do I want this relationship to end?" and you either don't have an answer or don't care what the answer is. When you know that you will be happier apart than you could ever be together, and when you know that for whatever reason, the love you may have is not enough to make up for your basic incompatibility.

For everyone else, there is hope. In every other situation, a fight is just a fight, a temporary conflict usually based on the fact that you are so tied to each other, so determined to struggle through life together, so willing to trust each other, that it becomes crucial to make sure you're both struggling for the same thing. Sometimes, a fight is just a misguided attempt to confirm that you're both still headed in the same direction. And it's also a reminder that a fairy tale marriage can have its share of ghouls and goblins and still have a happy ending.

It's important to stop and remember what a rare and precious gift your marriage is, and that whatever problems you face will be solved much more easily together than apart. A good marriage sails through marital storms because the people in them know that storms pass and calm returns. And the calm is what makes it all worthwhile.

2011-06-24T00:18:00.001+08:00

" pace yourself" - somehow it seems like the most honest, and appropriate advice for me.

2011-06-23T00:00:00.001+08:00

My sighs are loud and deep

2011-06-21T14:51:00.002+08:00

"If you are too busy to pray, you are busier than God intended you to be."

I got this from my dear sister.

I swear she's totally a more admirable Christian than I am. I'm just all talk and think and no action. Felt ashamed upon seeing this, but couldn't help but like her fb status. And I'll just post it here, as a reminder to myself on how I should be, in times of distress like this. and as a reminder to anyone reading my blog (which I seriously have no idea..cos I have no tagboard, no feedback..haha..oh well, maybe it's a good thing, to stem those narcissistic motivations anyway)

2011-06-21T02:41:00.002+08:00

Would you have stopped if I asked you to?

If I had to ask, would it still matter?

2011-06-15T07:31:00.001+08:00

Chinese proverbs.

With money you can buy a house, but not a home.
With money you can buy a clock, but not time.
With money you can buy a bed, but not sleep.
With money you can buy a book, but not knowledge.
With money you can buy a doctor, but not good health.
With money you can buy a position, but not respect.
With money you can buy blood, but not life.
With money you can buy sex, but not love.

2011-06-15T06:28:00.001+08:00

"You may have won in the game, but you've lost in the outcome."

- how many times have we made such a mistake in our lives?

2011-06-15T04:23:00.002+08:00

I freaking hate studying for exams?
Prof Meeran is absolutely right: Exams detrack you. They give the wrong focus. They cause us to study for the sake of getting distinctions or passes, and not because we truly want to hone our skills in preparation to become better doctors for our patients.

Awful awful exams. How much I hate them.

And they freaking screw up people's work life balance.

Trials and tribulations in a person's life. It's all about how you manage them.

I try to think along those lines. But as the years go by and my efforts are more and more futile, my hopes dim like stars in a polluted city's sky.

2011-06-15T04:16:00.002+08:00

I realised,
That everyone has a deep story hidden inside them,
A recurrent theme in their lives,
The same mistakes;
Over and over and over again.

It disgusts me to the core,
To have the same mistakes being made over and over again, by myself.
Like a sin inside me,
That is eating me raw inside,
The death of me.

And I do not know how to escape it,
Or do I?
And just not dare?

2011-06-15T03:45:00.002+08:00

When exam comes,
It always gets so difficult,
To have faith, and hope and trust in the Lord.

Feeling so forsaken,
So damned forsaken,
No family, no friends,
But it's not their fault, at all.
Cos I chose to keep everything to myself.

What can I say to them anyway?
Whine? Cry? Everyone has the same problems, and only hugs to give, no true prediction of what the future might bring.
Exams - it's the uncertain road to the end of it that I am tortured by most.

The sharp knife of a short life

2011-06-12T10:22:00.000+08:00

Don’t work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.

2011-05-19T02:04:00.001+08:00

Don’t work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.------
Written by Adrian Tan, author of The Teenage Textbook (1988), was the guest-of-honour at a recent NTU convocation ceremony.

This was his speech to the graduating class of 2008.
-----

I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address. It’s a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation. I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband.

My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one. She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living. She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me.

On the other hand, I am a litigator. Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are. I make my living being disagreeable.

Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife.

And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you’ve already won her heart, you don’t need to win every argument.

Marriage is considered one milestone of life. Some of you may already be married. Some of you may never be married. Some of you will be married. Some of you will enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many, many times. Good for you.

The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You’re done learning.

You’ve probably been told the big lie that “Learning is a lifelong process” and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters’ degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on. You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers. Don’t you think there is some measure of conflict of interest? They are in the business of learning, after all. Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers.

The good news is that they’re wrong.

The bad news is that you don’t need further education because your entire life is over. It is gone. That may come as a shock to some of you. You’re in your teens or early twenties. People may tell you that you will live to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life expectancy.

I love that term: life expectancy. We all understand the term to mean the average life span of a group of people. But I’m here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what you expect from your life.

You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy. We are behind Andorra and Japan, and tied with San Marino. It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long. We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless. There’s very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup. Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap.

Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years. Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom.

So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you’ll have another 40 years to go. Four decades in which to live long and prosper.

Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping dead when they’re 50, 40, 30 years old. Or quite possibly just after finishing their convocation. They would be very disappointed that they didn’t meet their life expectancy.

I’m here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy.

After all, it’s calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average.

Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.

That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.

If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them. And you don’t need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average.

What you should prepare for is mess. Life’s a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.

Don’t expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.

What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over.

Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free.

The most important is this: do not work.

Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable.

Work kills. The Japanese have a term “Karoshi”, which means death from overwork. That’s the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there’s nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust.

There’s a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are “making a living”. No, they’re not. They’re dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful.

People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The slogan “Arbeit macht frei” was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense.

Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway.

Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself.

I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I didn’t do that, I would’ve been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction – probably a sports journalist.

So what should you do? You will find your own niche. I don’t imagine you will need to look very hard. By this time in your life, you will have a very good idea of what you will want to do. In fact, I’ll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop yourself pursuing your passions. By this time you should know what your obsessions are. If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher.

Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you don’t, you are working.

Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I’m not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.

In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror.

I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth. I now say this to you: be hated.

It’s not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.

One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it’s often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one’s own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.

The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.

I didn’t say “be loved”. That requires too much compromise. If one changes one’s looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.

Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We’ve taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work – the only kind of work that I find palatable.

Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.

Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn’t happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.
You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.

You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.

Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don’t, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.

Don’t work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.

Every Girl's Dream

2011-05-14T18:48:00.002+08:00

I'm living every girl's dream.
Or so I think.
At least sometimes.
And like every girl I think:
Is this true?
Will it ever end?
Will I know when it ends?
And like all human beings,
We hope it will never.
Hope like hell.

The more you have the harder it is to let go.

Sometimes I have faith, trust, hope, peace.

It's an awesome feeling. We should live ur lives with that belief in God. because He has provided, me with everthing I needed, provided me with you. He WILL continue to provide.

I just have to keep reminding myself that.

And stop being greedy, stop wanting to purchase every single thing that catches your eye fancy in a store, and be reminded of the beautiful, most beautiful sceneries of the world, that of flowers in hyde park during spring; the adrenaline rush caused by your sympathetic drive of your body; the cool breeze; the innocent toddler chasing a bird he can never catch; the smile of a random stranger whose gaze you caught...

Those things, money cannot buy.
Those things most precious.
But those things people rarely dream of having.

2011-05-11T06:57:00.002+08:00

YAyyyy..most of the horror is over! you wouldn't believe how many hours of insomnia I've endured the past few weeks and the countless of times I actually pondered on the classes and names and mechanisms of the drugs that could be used to treat my self-diagnosed insomnia. Diazepam as an anxiolytic now sticks like glue in my mind. and well, nitrazepam too, which is more of a long-acting hypnotic, which makes you sleep better and also calms you during the day. which ACTUALLY depresses ur brain's functions and thus ironically impairs u from studying properly. LOL.

anyway. it's overrrrr.. a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders! and although at the great cost of health and longevity (i'm POSITIVE that I have now an increased risk of diabetes, cancer and heart disease and therefore their sequelae, like retinopathy (eventual blindness with neglect), neuropathy (i truly started feeling all kinds of peripheral parasthenia :S), KIDNEY FAILURE :(((

ahhh. help.

but yeah, you always come out thinking, it was all worth itttt...and yes, i went out! it was really nice, cos in uk, we're split up to take our papers in different locations, it's hard to coordinate any post exams gathering...so i didnt expect to do anything but go back and sleep/ watch grey's anatomy/ detox in the park/ be a bit crazy and walk all the way back from charing cross hospital, which was about 30 min bus ride away from home? LOL.

but yayyy, i got to hang out with GIRLS (u have no idea how many guys there are in imperial, that i feel soooo much like a pimp/ tomboy now, which disgusts me and suffocates me sometimes really..makes me wonder, why on earth do i have a boyfriend...and how would any guy possibly like me, who feels so like a guy in uk...)

but anyway, i keep getting distracted! we got to go SHOPPING!!!! it was HEAVEN. and we watched a movie, that undesirably had MEDICAL STUFF IN IT :S. MRI of brain, barium studies of swallowing physiology, drugs and receptors...seriously, give us a break! all the more since we can't even give it to ourselvces anymore. butj i thinkm we all felt slightly pleased that we had a more intimate relationship with the film because of our hardwork and/ or knowledge.

but NOW. after 2 days of total slack, just sheer pampering of myself, i sat down to do my timetable for the next term. eeks. im so dead. im heading to amsterdam, ponning a few days of QUITE CRITICAL SCH, to join nick and ys right SMACK when my paper is due, and it's SUMMATIVE. AND i SUCK at writing papers. honest. helpppp. they better help me. at least one's in law sch, should be good at writing.

helpppppppp i really need help. this time, i really want to make their coming over worth every cent, and i cant jeopardise their holiday because of my disgusting paper. so i really really have to plan ahead, work on a differnt schedule from everybody, study ahead and chiong last minute, whatever it takes to have my cake and eat it., because i've - we've- waited for this day for soooo long.

must. make. it. right. Goddddd thank you sooooooo sooooo sooooo much for blessing me thus far. almost everything, except those of my own doing, has been wonderful. help me to listen to you, be calm, be at peace with you, have faith in you and do what is right..and to trust - because it's the truth - that everything will fall into place if i follow u..

you think the exams are over, but the challenges are only the beginning.

Life

2011-05-09T05:33:00.002+08:00

It's the day before my final paper for the easter exams. But somehow, somehow I spent the whole night watching videos and not studying.

The past few days have left me puzzled. All the last minute work did help to some extent I guess, with me feeling lucky at having chanced upon a certain fact just hours before it came out in the exam. But, really, could all that knowledge that I desperately packed into my head in the last few hours really have helped me that much?

And tbh, isn't that sort of cheating myself into thinking that hey, I'm actually quite solid in my knowledge, when in fact it was pure luck and the effects of serial positioning.

Maybe that's what exams is about. But JUST to get those marks, my health during exams seems to be majorly impaired: a tue blatant disregard for my own health, which is ironical, given that I'm studying a subject on how to heal and prevent illnesses.

Isn't health more important than grades? What should we prioritise in life? And should our actions stick by our priorities?

For one, I claim to prioritise health before grades. But in truth, it sure doesnt seem to be the case. I blame it on exams. But exams, life's obstacles are there. Isn't it up to me to choose how to deal with them?

I care way too much about how people look at me, how do I match up to people's expectations. But it's my life, it's my health.

So this time, I'm going to risk it. Not absolutely, but a baby step. by not pushing my limits when I feel like my brain just cant absorb anymore. Just to see how much difference it makes, and how much my consistent effort is worth as opposed to last minute work.

I have been avoiding the possibility of failure for far too long.

2011-05-06T05:23:00.002+08:00

The marriage - at least the publicly declared one which I hope is true - of our Minister Mentor Mr Lee Kuan Yew and his wife is always an inspiring one. I happened to chance upon this article while studying for my exams. It's inspiring, in face of the world that is now full of breakups all around me, and divorces and single women...

Source: Malaysian Insider.

Oct 6 — Ancient peoples developed and ritualised mourning practices to express the shared grief of family and friends, and together show not fear or distaste for death, but respect for the dead one; and to give comfort to the living who will miss the deceased.

I recall the ritual mourning when my maternal grandmother died some 75 years ago. For five nights the family would gather to sing her praises and wail and mourn at her departure, led by a practiced professional mourner.

Such rituals are no longer observed. My family’s sorrow is to be expressed in personal tributes to the matriarch of our family.

In October 2003 when she had her first stroke, we had a strong intimation of our mortality.

My wife and I have been together since 1947 for more than three quarters of our lives. My grief at her passing cannot be expressed in words. But today, when recounting our lives together, I would like to celebrate her life.

In our quiet moments, we would revisit our lives and times together. We had been most fortunate. At critical turning points in our lives, fortune favoured us.

As a young man with an interrupted education at Raffles College, and no steady job or profession, her parents did not look upon me as a desirable son-in-law. But she had faith in me.

We had committed ourselves to each other. I decided to leave for England in September 1946 to read law, leaving her to return to Raffles College to try to win one of the two Queen’s Scholarships awarded yearly. We knew that only one Singaporean would be awarded. I had the resources, and sailed for England, and hoped that she would join me after winning the Queen’s Scholarship.

If she did not win it, she would have to wait for me for three years.

In June the next year, 1947, she did win it. But the British colonial office could not get her a place in Cambridge.

Through Chief Clerk of Fitzwilliam, I discovered that my Censor at Fitzwilliam, W S Thatcher, was a good friend of the Mistress of Girton, Miss Butler.

He gave me a letter of introduction to the Mistress. She received me and I assured her that Choo would most likely take a “First”, because she was the better student when we both were at Raffles College.

I had come up late by one

term to Cambridge, yet passed my first year qualifying examination with a class 1. She studied Choo’s academic record and decided to admit her in October that same year, 1947.

We have kept each other company ever since. We married privately in December 1947 at Stratford-upon-Avon. At Cambridge, we both put in our best efforts. She took a first in two years in Law Tripos II. I took a double first, and a starred first for the finals, but in three years.

We did not disappoint our tutors. Our Cambridge Firsts gave us a good start in life. Returning to Singapore, we both were taken on as legal assistants in Laycock & Ong, a

thriving law firm in Malacca Street. Then we married officially a second time that September 1950 to please our parents and friends. She practised conveyancing and draftsmanship, I did litigation.

In February 1952, our first son Hsien Loong was born. She took maternity leave for a year.

That February, I was asked by John Laycock, the Senior Partner, to take up the case of the Postal and Telecommunications Uniformed Staff Union, the postmen’s union.

They were negotiating with the government for better terms and conditions of service. Negotiations were deadlocked and they decided to go on strike. It was a battle for public support. I was able to put across the reasonableness of their case through the press and radio. After a fortnight, they won concessions from the government. Choo, who was at home on maternity leave, pencilled through my draft statements, making them simple and clear.

Over the years, she influenced my writing style. Now I write in short sentences, in the active voice. We gradually influenced each other’s ways and habits as we adjusted and accommodated each other.

We knew that we could not stay starry-eyed lovers all our lives; that life was an on-going challenge with new problems to resolve and manage.

We had two more children, Wei Ling in 1955 and Hsien Yang in 1957. She brought them up to be well-behaved, polite, considerate and never to throw their weight as the prime minister’s children.

As a lawyer, she earned enough, to free me from worries about the future of our children.

She saw the price I paid for not having mastered Mandarin when I was young. We decided to send all three children to Chinese kindergarten and schools.

She made sure they learned English and Malay well at home. Her nurturing has equipped them for life in a multi-lingual region.

We never argued over the upbringing of our children, nor over financial matters. Our earnings and assets were jointly held. We were each other’s confidant.

She had simple pleasures. We would walk around the Istana gardens in the evening, and I hit golf balls to relax.

Later, when we had grandchildren, she would take them to feed the fish and the swans in the Istana ponds. Then we would swim. She was interested in her surroundings, for instance, that many bird varieties were pushed out by mynahs and crows eating

up the insects and vegetation.

She discovered the curator of the gardens had cleared wild grasses and swing fogged for mosquitoes, killing off insects they fed on. She stopped this and the bird varieties returned. She surrounded the swimming pool with free flowering scented flowers and derived great pleasure smelling them as she swam.

She knew each flower by its popular and botanical names. She had an enormous capacity for words.

She had majored in English literature at Raffles College and was a voracious reader, from Jane Austen to JRR Tolkien, from Thucydides’ The Peloponnesian Wars to Virgil’s Aeneid, to The Oxford Companion to Food, and Seafood of Southeast Asia, to Roadside Trees of Malaya, and Birds of Singapore.

She helped me draft the Constitution of the PAP. For the inaugural meeting at Victoria Memorial Hall on 4 November 1954, she gathered the wives of the founder members to sew rosettes for those who were going on stage.

In my first election for Tanjong Pagar, our home in Oxley Road, became the HQ to assign cars provided by my supporters to ferry voters to the polling booth.

She warned me that I could not trust my new found associates, the leftwing trade unionists led by Lim Chin Siong. She was furious that he never sent their high school student helpers to canvass for me in Tanjong Pagar, yet demanded the use of cars provided by my supporters to ferry my Tanjong Pagar voters.

She had an uncanny ability to read the character of a person. She would sometimes warn me to be careful of certain persons; often, she turned out to be right.

When we were about to join Malaysia, she told me that we would not succeed because the UMNO Malay leaders had such different lifestyles and because their politics were communally-based, on race and religion.

I replied that we had to make it work as there was no better choice. But she was right.

We were asked to leave Malaysia before two years.

When separation was imminent, Eddie Barker, as Law Minister, drew up the draft legislation for the separation. But he did not include an undertaking by the Federation Government to guarantee the observance of the two water agreements between the PUB and the Johor state government. I asked Choo to include this. She drafted the undertaking as part of the constitutional amendment of the Federation of Malaysia Constitution itself.

She was precise and meticulous in her choice of words. The amendment statute was annexed to the Separation Agreement, which we then registered with the United Nations.

The then Commonwealth Secretary Arthur Bottomley said that if other federations were to separate, he hoped they would do it as professionally as Singapore and Malaysia.

It was a compliment to Eddie’s and Choo’s professional skills. Each time Malaysian Malay leaders threatened to cut off our water supply, I was reassured that this clear and solemn international undertaking by the Malaysian government in its Constitution will get us a ruling by the UNSC (United Nations Security Council).

After her first stroke, she lost her left field of vision. This slowed down her reading. She learned to cope, reading with the help of a ruler. She swam every evening and kept fit. She continued to travel with me, and stayed active despite the stroke. She stayed in touch with her family and old friends.

She listened to her collection of CDs, mostly classical, plus some golden oldies. She jocularly divided her life into “before stroke” and “after stroke”, like BC and AD.

She was friendly and considerate to all associated with her. She would banter with her WSOs (woman security officers) and correct their English grammar and pronunciation in a friendly and cheerful way. Her former WSOs visited her when she was at NNI. I thank them all.

Her second stroke on 12 May 2008 was more disabling. I encouraged and cheered her on, helped by a magnificent team of doctors, surgeons, therapists and nurses.

Her nurses, WSOs and maids all grew fond of her because she was warm and considerate. When she coughed, she would take her small pillow to cover her mouth because she worried for them and did not want to infect them.

Her mind remained clear but her voice became weaker. When I kissed her on her cheek, she told me not to come too close to her in case I caught her pneumonia.

I assured her that the doctors did not think that was likely because I was active.

When given some peaches in hospital, she asked the maid to take one home for my lunch. I was at the centre of her life.

On 24 June 2008, a CT scan revealed another bleed again on the right side of her brain. There was not much more that medicine or surgery could do except to keep her comfortable.

I brought her home on 3 July 2008. The doctors expected her to last a few weeks. She lived till 2nd October, 2 years and 3 months.

She remained lucid. They gave time for me and my children to come to terms with the inevitable. In the final few months, her faculties declined. She could not speak but her cognition remained.

She looked forward to have me talk to her every evening.

Her last wish she shared with me was to enjoin our children to have our ashes placed together, as we were in life.

The last two years of her life were the most difficult. She was bedridden after small successive strokes; she could not speak but she was still cognisant.

Every night she would wait for me to sit by her to tell her of my day’s activities and to read her favourite poems. Then she would sleep.

I have precious memories of our 63 years together. Without her, I would be a different man, with a different life. She devoted herself to me and our children.

She was always there when I needed her. She has lived a life full of warmth and meaning.

I should find solace at her 89 years of her life well lived. But at this moment of the final parting, my heart is heavy with sorrow and grief.

* This eulogy by Singapore’s Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew was delivered at the funeral service of his wife, Madam Kwa Geok Choo at a private ceremony at Mandai Cremetorium today.

* This is the personal opinion of the writer or publication. The Malaysian Insider does not endorse the view unless specified.

Children are the ones who can truly love God the most

2011-05-02T02:23:00.003+08:00

Lord please teach me how to run after you

2011-04-30T23:19:00.002+08:00

Now I've finished going through all my lectures. but guess what? I feel like I can't rmb maybe 50% of the stuff? :( sucks. I wish all the questions were mcq, and I can just rely mostly on passive recall.

I hate expectations. people say they got no expectations. my parents say that. but guess what? when they see u slacking too much, they will nag at u to study. what does that mean? they DO have expectations.

and other people too. I HATE HAVING WON A PRIZE. I say that and no one believes that. believe me, i studied hard in yr 1 cos i was afriad of losing my scholarship and having to burden my parents. but shit, i won sth. then everyone started expecting more from me. luckily some guy sent me a msg saying he's aiming for that prize this year. I wanted to tell him, omg, be my guest, i dun want any prize.

i just want to make my efforts worthwhile. to prove to myself I'm not a freaking stinking idiot who doesnt have what it takes to be a doctor. and to prove to myself I'm not dumb. even though, sometimes, i get so many mind blocks, I do think I am, despite whatever grades I get.

So really, what's the point of me striving so hard to exams? >.< why am I working so hard and yet - yes, and yet - feel that my heads is more muddled up than before, with the only advantage that I can identify of this situation being that I have more knowledge than before, be it accurate or not, comprehensive or not, congruent or not. and that hopefully, one day, they will all be pieced nicely together.

okay, u know what. I'll just try my very best for this. Not to the extend that I sacrifice my health and sanity, but after having managed my life, I'll work my best for this exam with the remaining energy I have. Because it is my responsibility as a student, as a future doctor, as a scholar, and to myself after having studied so much, to give myself one last shot at solidifying my knowledge and testing my abilities at the exam.

I think at the end of the day, what I was afriad of was not meeting the expectations of others, but the feal of failure. Of having tried and failed. But who am I NOT to be a failure that I should fear it so much? Sarah Tai, pls humble urself. You are learning. You're not perfect, and konwledgeable and smart. But you should be humble, and always trying, giving ur best. trying despite failure. trying despite failure.

2011-04-25T23:16:00.003+08:00

The girl who made me cry in shame and in awe. Her mum and dad are awesome to have guided her so well through death and help her become such a strong and faithful person...wow.

The Meaning of Life

2011-03-28T19:40:00.003+08:00

cry

2011-03-23T03:33:00.002+08:00

Sarah wants to cry. Sarah knows that the way she's studying now is plain dumb as there's simply no way of actually being able to remember all the microbiology anyway, so what is the point of going into so much detail for each microbiology lecture? it's a plain waste of time. and just thinking about all the neuroanatomy, anatomy of limbs, pharm, endo and everything else that she HAS covered in detail BUT STILL cannot recall a single thing about, it's seriously trying to eat more than one can handle. in the end, all the effort is wasted. Hardworking but knowing nothing in the end, wow that's the epitome of stupidity >.<

now i just cant tell if this is simply an excuse I'm making, or me finally being able to see the light. the truth is, I can't wait for myself to finish this ridiculous aim of going through all lectures (even if the remaining lectures might not even come out in the exam, or appear once and me still not knowing the ans to it anyway) and just GET ON WITH relooking through everything else.

It's not like i have a lot of time, and seeing how much time I actually spend playing around, as if I'm actually on a summer break, I'm getting really anxious sometimes.

2011-03-19T07:07:00.003+08:00

On retrospect, I must be one of the luckiest girls in the world. Like those in the movies.

And on a random note, I cannot believe that I could actually think that a dish is spicy. And that dish, happened to be something I cooked myself. Note to self, never overestimate my spice tolerance. Ever.

I'm coming home (: My home. Our home.

The real significance of our 21st birthday

2011-03-13T07:51:00.002+08:00

You know the days when you ponder about life, and the same issues keep coming up because you keep making the same mistakes over and over again, and although you kind of have an inkling as to how to make your life suck less, history keeps repeating because deep down inside, you do not actually think that you really need fixing?

Well, that happpens to me alot. And I KNOW that I still behave like a child, behind closed doors, lying to the world and to myself, that just because no one can see me act in an immature way, or a very unsightly and disgusting way, that it never really did happen.

And I KNOW this. And everytime I do something wrong, and the deep regret sets in, it hits me again. I make a resolution to not indulge in my canabalistic needs for instant gratification, and to behave more like a 21st young lady, a medical student who is training to become a doctor - someone professional, at least enough to take care of others - an adult. But always, always, I slip back.

Today, I finally realise, and I do hope it's really 'finally', that life is not about what you present to others, or how others look at you. Life's too short for that. Life's about doing things, being someone that you feel is right. Being sensible.

I think for the past few years, I've really been asleep. It's really time to wake up and face reality. I have a lot to learn in life, I should really get started.

So really for now, I'll just start with:
1) stop comparing myself to others, stop looking to others for approval or disapproval.
2)really start doing what's right, and not just when people are looking.
3) stop studying so much like some student who only knows about books and not about life, but really study, with the objective of growing in life.
4)think sensibly, act sensibly

Cube Test

2011-03-12T15:33:00.002+08:00

The Cube Test

This is really interesting. The only problem is a specific someone does not want to tell me his results :(((((( lousyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

You are in a desert and you see a cube.
It is preferable for you to draw a picture and write your answers.
Try to concentrate on how you feel about what you are describing and not just on how it looks. For example, you may describe the cube a certain color because it gives you a feeling of calmness. However, another person may describe the cube a different color that also gives her a sense of calmness. Though both people picture the cube differently, the interpretations of their answers are the same - the cube represents calmness to them.
1) The cube
How big is the cube?
What is its color? What do you think about that color?
How far away is it from you?
Is it transparent? Can you see what is inside?
How big is the cube compared to the desert? What is the ratio?

2) There is a ladder.
Is the ladder leaning on the cube?
What is the color of the ladder? What is it made of?
What impression does it give you?
What is the distance between the cube and the ladder?

3) There is a horse.
What is the distance between the cube and the horse?
What is the color of the horse?
What impression does it give you?
Is it tied? Is there a saddle?

4) There is a storm.
What is the distance between the storm and the cube.
Is it a big storm or a small storm?
Is it passing by or staying?

5) There is a flower/ there are flowers.
How many flowers are there?
Where is/are the flower/s?
What is the color of the flower/s?
How do you feel about the flower/s?

Answers:

Cube : The cube represents yourself. How you think about the cube reflects how you think about yourself. For example, you may think the cube is made of yellow stones. Yellow may give you a feeling of warmth and stone may give you a feeling of strength. Then, it means that you believe that you are a strong and warm person. The distance between you and the cube reflects your understanding about yourself. If the cube is far away, then it means that you do not feel close to your inner self. If the cube is transparent, that means you let people see through you. People can read your mind easily. The ratio of the cube to the desert is how you think about yourself in this world. The bigger the ratio, the bigger your ego is. A small ratio means that you recognize that you are just one part of this world and there are many other things out there beside you.

Ladder : The ladder represents your friends. If the ladder is leaning against the cube, then it means that your friends depend on you. If the ladder is supporting the cube, that means you depend on your friends. The distance between the ladder and the cube indicates if you feel close to your friends or not. Again, how you feel about the ladder reflects how you feel about your friends (e.g.. what you feel about the color of the ladder and the material it is made of).

Horse : The horse is your lover. If the horse is close to the cube, then it means that you are close to your lover. If the horse is tied or has a saddle on it, then it means that you like to control your lover. As before, the impression of the horse reflects the impression you have of your lover.

Storm : The storm is the obstacle in your life. If the storm is close to the cube/ stationary, then you are always experiencing hardship in your life. If the storm is small, then it means the obstacle in your life is quite small.

Flower/s : The flower represents your offspring/ If the flower is close to the cube, that means you are close to your children. Again, what you feel about the flower indicates the feelings you have towards your children.

wonderings

2011-03-08T16:24:00.002+08:00

I really wonder who reads my blog, and what they think about it. They must think I'm neurotic, really depressed, kinda sick, revealing some dark side of me that I think everyone has... hm...

The only reason why I'm not putting a tagboard that might, but prob not really, reveal the opinions of others on the posts I make is that I suck so much at computer stuff to actually know how to insert a ready made tagboard that therefore looks so hideous without messing up my entire template that I stubbornly refuse to change.

Because it looks so nice. I know I'm not a good Christian. I know that. Cos I don't read the bible religiously, I skip church whenever I feel upset about sth, or am busy with something. :( yeah :( I'm really bad. I should stop even justifying the reasons whyh I skip church because they're kinda unjustifiable and that the true reason why I miss church sometimes / reading the bible is probably because I do not put God as the number one in my life. >.< I know I should, but I do not.

So I try to bluff myself into this delusion that I can still go to heaven by just being able to still believe in God (but somehow not enough to be terrified of going to hell if I do not spend enough time of my life devoted to him>.<)by doing silly little things like loving the God-aspiring picture of my blog.

:( I wish this was enough. The truth is, I still have this faint faint hope, but undying one, that this is enough for God. and tbh, I actually think I believe in this small hope. I'd like to think that God is so great, so gracious and loves us so much that as long as he knows that deep in our hearts we believe in Him and his love and his goodness, he'll forgive our sins and we can afford not to be too harsh on ourselves, and just accept that we are sinners and show him our love in our own ways, though they are undeniably such lousy efforts and really pathetic ones in comparison to his love for us and what he actually demands of us....

GOdDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD i really want to go to heaven ! and on behalf of my loved ones, I really wish that you'll be gracious to let everyone else go as well, as long as they act in a way that they believe is what you might see as good, and as long as they believe in you, maybe not true christianity but in their own perception of you? pls? they're not evil people. and I know I'm not supposed to judge, but sometimes I feel these people might be acting in a way that is more God/Jesus-like that christians themselves do...

plsplspls...(I'm bargaining. which is one of the stages of the Kubler-Ross Model of dealing with death, diagnoses of critical illnesses...a topic we studied in psychology of medicine...LOL) Hope the model is wrong and that I'm actually allowed to bargain in the face of God...

Eyes wide opened

2011-03-08T16:11:00.002+08:00

Finally decided to stop being a frog in the well and take a good look around. Thus, I started reading the evening standard, making it a point to exercise at least 5 mins by walking up and down the street to and fro sainsbury's to get a free paper.

My first time in a long time reading the evening standard this pleasant monday morning, after having oreos for breakfast feeling delighted that lectures start only at 9.30am, and that winter has been cunningly deceiving these few days by allowing the sun to rise earlier as it would in spring, although it's still mercilessly cold outside, giving me the illusion that lectures start even later than usual.

My first browse at the papers really opened my eyes, I must say. Came across an article talking about women's interational day. talking abt a female comedian who shocked many with really sexist jokes, against her own race. Curious, I googled the joke online, suspecting but not entirely trusting my dirty mind that it was what she meant. and lo and behold, I came across this: really opened my eyes I must say. And actl I do believe understanding crude jojkes actl requires you to think very critically about what exactly are they alluding to. an intellectual morning indeed. not a complete waste of time that could have been spent on going through lectures, which is kinda what everyone else is busy doing at the moment.

Why do women have periods?
Because they deserve them.

Q: What is loud and obnoxious?
A: A woman.

Q: How do you blind a woman?
A: You put a windshield in front of her.

Q: How is a woman like an airplane?
A: Both have cockpits.

What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild?
A $100 bill.

How many male chauvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Let her do the dishes in the dark.

What do toys and womens breasts have in common?
They were both originally made for kids, but dad ends up playing with

What is love?
The delusion that one woman differs from another.

Monkeys and girls both are same. they fight only for Banana,
Boys and rats are same they search only holes.

Q: What do you call a girl with Pms and Esp?
A: A bitch who thinks she knows everything.

Q: What's the difference between a woman and a refrigerator?
A: A refrigerator doesn't moan when you put meat in it.

What is the difference between your wife and your job?
After five years your job still sucks.

Why did God create lesbians?
So feminists couldn't breed.

Q: Why did God give men penises?
A: So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.

Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A: Because they don't have balls.

Q. Why do women talk so much?
A. Because they have two sets of lips.

Q: What's the difference between your bonus and your dick?
You don't have to beg a woman to blow your bonus.

Q: Why is a woman like a laxative?
They both irritate the shit out of you.

Q. What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?
A. $4.99 a minute.

Q: What are the small bumps around a woman's nipples for?
A: It's Braille for "suck here".

Q: Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
A: He died laughing before he could tell anybody.

Q: Why are hurricanes normally named after women?
A: When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.

Q: How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, feminists can't change anything.

Q: Why did God invent the yeast infection?
A: So women know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt.

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
A: 45 lbs.

Q: How do you know when it's time to get a new dishwasher?
A: When the old one expects you to "do your share"

Q: Why did God make women?
A: You think he's gonna wash the dishes?

Q: How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
A: Marry It!

Why do women fake orgasms ?
Because they think men care.

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.

Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None, it should be opened when she brings it to you.

Q: A man runs over his wife. Whose fault is it?
A: The man, he shouldn't be driving in the kitchen.

Q: Why does a man like to see two women kiss each other?
A: Two less mouths that are bitching.

Q: Why can't women drive?
A: Because there's no road between the kitchen and the bedroom

Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
A: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

Q: If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
A: Made her chain too long.

Q: How is a woman like a condom?
A: Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

Q: Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle?
A: She knows she’s given her last blow job.

Q: How do you know when a woman is going to say something intelligent?
A: When her first words are, "A man once told me....."

Q: How do you fix a woman's watch?
A: You don't, there's a clock on the oven.

Q: Why haven't women been to the moon ?
A: Because it doesn't need cleaning yet!

Q: Why do women have smaller feet than men?
A: So they can stand closer to the sink.

Q: What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig?
A: A woman that won't do what she's told.

Q: Why do women wear white on their wedding day?
A: So they will match the stove and fridge!

Q: What’s the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A: A whore fucks everybody at the party, and a bitch fucks everybody at the party EXCEPT YOU.

Q: What’s the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.

Q: Do you know why women fake orgasm?
A: Because men fake foreplay.

Q: What’s the difference between getting a divorce and getting circumcised?
A: When you get a divorce, you get rid of the whole prick!

Q: How is a woman like an airplane?
A: Both have cockpits.

Q: Why are there no female astronauts on the moon?
A: Because it doesn't need cleaning yet.

Q: How do you know that beer contains female hormones?
A: Drink two or three, and you cannot drive properly anymore and start talking bullshit.

Q: What do toy railways and boobs have in common?
A: Both are made for children but it's the fathers who play with them most.

Q: What is the difference between a cheap hooker and an elephant?
A: One rolls on its back for peanuts and the other one lives in a zoo.

Q: What s worse than a male chauvinist pig?
A: A woman who won't do as she's told.

Q: Why don't women wear watches?
A: There's a clock on the stove.

Q: How to you make a dish washer into a snow blower?
A: Give the bitch a shovel

Q: What is the difference between a Woman and a washing machine?
A: The washing machine doesn't follow you around for two weeks after you dump a load in it!

Q: How can you tell when a women is having a bad day?
A: She has her tampon behind her ear, and she can't find her cigarette.

Q: Why are wives like condoms?
A: They both spend too much time in your wallet, and not enough time on the end of your dick.

Q: Why do men die before their wives?
A: They want to.

Q: How many men does it take to fix a vacuum cleaner?
A: Why the hell should we fix it? We don't use the damn thing.

Q: Why do women love orgasms?
A: Because it gives them another reason to moan!!!

Q: Why did God create the yeast infection?
A: So women could know what it's like living with an irritating cunt too.

Q: What is a wife?
A: An attachment you screw on the bed to get the housework done.

Q: How are women like parking spaces?
A: The good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.

Q: Why do women have tits?
A: So men will talk to them.

Q: Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
A: Cause if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.

Q: What's the first thing a woman does after coming out of the abuse shelter?
A: Cook dinner if she knows what's good for her.

Q: What's the difference between a Woman with PMS and a Pit Bull?
A: Lipstick

Q: What do girls and camels have in common?
A: They both have camel toes.

Q: What does a woman put behind her ears to make herself more attractive?
A: Her ankles.

Q: Why do women close their eyes during sex?
A: They can't stand to see a man having a good time.

Q: Why is our salary like a women’s period?
A: It comes once in a month,lasts only for four or five days and if any month it does not come it means your fucked.

Q: What do 3 million abused women do wrong every year?
A: They don't fucking listen.

Q: What is the definition of "making love"?
A: Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.

Women are like orange juice cartons,
It’s not the shape or size or even how sweet the juice is,
It’s getting thoses fuckin flaps open

Why did the woman cross the road?
Who cares - what was she doing out of the kitchen anyway?

What does the woman who just got out of an abusive relationship do?
It better be the damn dishes!

submitted by: truckerboy65

What I learn in Psychology

2011-03-02T23:23:00.000+08:00

The Serenity Prayer

“Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

- Reinhold Niebuhr

2011-01-19T13:21:00.003+08:00

Seems like the day whose possibility i've always wondered about might just be coming soon...

a bomb dropped, though countless warplanes have been circling around us many days before.

and here i am wondering if after the war is over, whether you'll even think about me.

would it be anger, disappointment, sadness, remorse as you think of others you chanced upon occasionally,

or relieve and happiness, of being set free?

i think it might actually be the latter, yeah?
i wonder what Ill be feeling.

OMG this is freaking funny..

2011-01-13T21:04:00.001+08:00

saw this on the straits times during a lunch break HAHA...super funny please..and how true..

What makes you SoSingaporean?

A tissue pack with the word 'chope!' printed on it. Singaporeans on Twitter shared their favourite quirks and memories that made them Singaporeans. -- ST PHOTO: MARK CHEONG

WHETHER it's dipping fries into vanilla ice-cream or missing good old A&W root beer, young Singaporeans on the popular micro-blogging service Twitter are discussing the quirks and memories that make us Singaporeans.

Their tweets sent the #SoSingaporean hashtag to the top of the local trending list on Thursday, eclipsing even heated discussions about King Kenny's Liverpool side losing to Blackpool in an overnight match.

The @SoSingaporean Twitter account, with over 2,400 followers now, had sparked a flurry of tweets and retweets in recent weeks as users added their own experiences to the mix.

Having looked through the tweets (and having a few good laughs along the way), the StraitsTimes.com team has compiled this top 10 list of our favourite #SoSingaporean tweets.

Which one is your favourite?

These are the ten #SoSingaporean tweets we like best over here in the ST.com newsroom. Which is your favourite?
You suspect that the Christmas decorations along Orchard road are recycled. #sosingaporean

Your Singaporean accent magically goes away whenever you are speaking to ang mohs. #sosingaporean

You automatically join the long queue whenever you see one, when you have no idea what are the people queuing for #sosingaporean

You used to think its fun to peep at double decker bus drivers from above. #sosingaporean

You always use "xiao ming" in your chinese compo, and he will always have a good friend named "xiao hua". #sosingaporean

You are always the only one who does not feel tremors from earthquakes in Indonesia. #sosingaporean

You kinda miss the root beer from A&W. Come back to Singapore leh! #sosingaporean

You used to say, "Abudhen?" #sosingaporean

You are irritated by aunties who insist that their ez-link cards inside their big bulky handbags can be scanned. #sosingaporean

You hate how retard you look whenever the automatic tap can't sense your hand and isn’t dispensing any water. #sosingaporean

2011-01-10T10:37:00.001+08:00

Galatians 6:9 - Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

2011-01-04T01:03:00.004+08:00

Why does life always take you by surprise by presenting you with circumstances that you've never experienced before and expects you to deal with it, properly, so that you don't screw up all the beautiful things that make you grateful for your life thus far?

Or is it because I don't want things to change that I can't seem to embrace the hope that comes with an unknown future and a known change?

I'm afraid of what all these means, and what everything will come to. I want to say, let God take the wheel, let God take the wheel, if it's meant to be it's meant to be. I want to be able to sit back and let the events roll over me instead of me thinking: what can I do to stop this? to make things better? because particularly nowadays, I seem to do everything but that.

All I can do, is stick around.

LET GOD TAKE THE WHEEL. PLEASE.

Irrational Jealousy

2010-12-31T01:11:00.002+08:00

Just received an email from a friend who's doing sth really sweet for her bf's 21st birthday. It's definite a surprise she's cooking up.

Really sweet.

So happens his birthday is around the same time as mine.

Cant be certain I'll get surprises. I know that Im not throwing a party, so compared to others who definitely have loads of friends to celebrate with them, Im predicting a rather sad, and lonely birthday. Of course, it was my choice not to throw a party. Im not entirely fond of the idea of forcing ppl to celebrate my birthday for me out of the obligation of friendship. Not like my birthday is a significant event in history. Just as how my life isn't significant to any, save for a few people. Even then, I can't be sure.

Why should it be anyway?

I thought nothing much of it, thought I could do away with the TLC and attention people get on their birthday. Now as sth like this strikes close to heart, Im having weird ripples in my heart.

I don't want to wisk in case I get disappointed. But it's too late, I've already started wishing, subconsciously. This probably just brought it closer to surface.

2010-12-30T23:23:00.002+08:00

If only there were a handbook to tell me how to make things right
without making everything wrong.
Then I wouldn't feel so useless, like such a nuisance and a misguided choice of love.

Is this how parents feel?
When their children slam doors, cry and tell him so harshly how everything they do just will not help but make things worse?

Incompetence

2010-12-30T21:42:00.001+08:00

My confidence is ebbing.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

2010-12-30T01:15:00.003+08:00

Today was a fairytale.

Today was the day I had been waiting for so so long.

Today was the reason for my depression, my hope and my joy.

A surprise, an embrace. A long painful embrace.

Today was a fairytale.

Till you told me about those tears in your mind's eyes.

And till nothing I do can wipe them away.

Only sit, watch and hope that

Tomorrow will be a fairytale.

2010-12-11T19:31:00.002+08:00

the hospital is driving me crazy. not that the work is stressful. okay, it is. but it's more about how it makes you think. or rather question yourself. So you want to stick around abit to get taught more by the FY1s, so you like to be spoonfed knowledge then? so do you think you're kinda a lazy person trying to appear hardworking by sticking around then? You think you're becoming smarter by seeing more stuff and learning stuff, but seriously, maybe you're being plain stupid for wasting your time around doing unstructured learning, rather than facing the harsh reality that you should be hitting the books, and learning just how stupid you are when you open it, take ages to plow through them and find that: hang on, I don't know what the freak they were talking about for the past few pages! and i cant rmb waht I read!

man, i wonder if consultants ever feel this stupid at the level they are at now. navigating their way so confidently around the hospital, with their whole group of fans doing an intricate dance to get as close to them as possible, while not trying to get in the way. I wonder if they ever feel lousy while trying to get to the top, and whether they feel after getting to the top, that it's all just an illusion: you think you know alot, but you don't BUT that in order to function, remain sane, instil the trust of your patient in you, and do things confidently (because really, confidence does make a difference), you just have to trick yourself and stick with that illusion that you are a professional.

going through this depressed phase now. i admit. trying to be happy. but feel like shit. I want to understand the world, understand LIFE, but i think im weird and kinda relish this craziness and feeling of lost, confusion, psychoticness at the moment.

someone just told me, that he likes to talk to me because I'm very interesting. dunno whether to feel happy or sad at this thought. I might feel happy because 1) he enjoys talking to me 2) he finds me interesting and not everyone interests everyone. BUT i mgiht feel sad because 1) I sort of feel like an exhibit, where people go..wow this is interesting..and you choose to looka t it. I'm a choice, I'm disposable. I dun want to be disposable, or a choice. I want to be a freaking necessity. 2) interesting is a freaking disgusting euphemism for weird, queer, bizarre, amusing, not to be taking seriously, just for laughs, something to ruminate abt but nothing close to what you think would be the truth. therefore, nothing constant, just a temporal joy. disposable. forgettable.

thankfully. my bf doesnt find me interesting. it would be sad if he did. yes he can find me freaking irritating, screwed up, stupid, irritating. but it's all better than being interesting. at least I feel like a human being here. not an exhibit.

cant wait to see him when i get back. I freaking dun want him to go to egypt. argh. i love my friends. but not being able to see him makes me depressed, i hope it doesnt affect my mood to be with friends, because i do treasure them and dont want to be a cold blanket at parties and stuff.

yesterday, heard my housemate whining? crying? shouting? i dunno..but sounded kinda depressed on the phone in chinese to someone..her close friend? family? abt her own relationship. abt how it lacks romanticism, sparks..there's just plain mundaneness, monotony, constantness in her relationship.

Im not complaining abt that area. but darn she should be freaking grateful abt the constantness in her relationship. hellooooo i do wish that I had the luxury of seeing my bf every single day, eating meals with him, cooking for him or he cooking for me, him singling me out from all the other girls in his subtle-but-not-subtle-enough-for-the-rest-of-the-girls way when he orders for me, pays for me and not for the other girls, sleeping in adjacent rooms with just a wall separating us...

i know each relationship has its problems. but i couldnt help feel bitter, and thinking she had no idea how much she already has.

but all that aside, i do feel i have the best bf in the world, so maybe she does have something to whine about lol.

2010-11-24T03:08:00.001+08:00

do you know, that sometimes you make me hate myself?

2010-11-17T02:21:00.003+08:00

Sarah is sad.

There's almost never a time when Sarah blogs and Sarah's not sad.

It's hard to talk to people when you're sad. You don't want to burden people with your woes and indulge in self-pity at their expense.

And sometimes, you're sad because you realised that you're lousy at something, or that someone or just people, friends, in general, let you down. Well, maybe they didnt actually, just that you expected them to do some things, and turns out that they're less than interested in it.

And you feel deserted, dissapointed, wondering whether you're a failure, or whether people like you enough to really do stuff with you, and whether your feeling of being mildly likeable and acceptable to others is merely your own made up reality.

Humans, not God, we are. Susceptible to the devils of wanting to be accepted by peers, by loved ones. To be popular. To be likeable.

I know that the early world is far less important that one's relationship with God, and being true to oneself, pursueing the right goals are far more important.

But somehow, when things happen, I let my feelings take control. And I feel sad, rejected.

And that's when I realised how desperately I need God and how while friends, family are all around and can provide that instant and sometimes constant gratification in this materialistic world, where you can see their smiles, listen to their praises...God, the invisible one, is the only one who silently but constantly loves you, watches over you and truly wants to build a relationship with you.

And I have rejected God so much. for more time for studies and friends...I feel it now.

I really need to get right with God.

2010-08-21T17:06:00.002+08:00

Sigh. You know how things were suddenly simply perfect and happy and one second later, just because of a few words, it suddenly degenerates to hell.

yeah it's always been like this. im not saying that i dun want such things to happen cos they will, and they will happen alot and always. i dun mind it. i just wish that they can be repaired to the happy state like almost immediately. :(

it's my fault. I know. im freaking selfish and a big fat liar. but at that point in time, my intention was not that bad...i just wanted to do sth, and yet not anger the other person...so thus my actions. pretty stupid...

i just broke the trust of someone...i cant really say sorry i know cos when i did it, i was definitely not feeling sorry. i feel sorry now only because that person found out and is hurt and angry and i suddenly feel so remorseful for my actions.

but i am sorry. i am so so so so sorry but sorry doesnt cut it now. even if i made amends, what i did wrong was not in my actions but in my intentions and sorry will never cut it.

i dunno what to do now. what else can i do but tell u that im sorry? and tell u that i will make amends in whatever way i can? and then let you just tell me how hurt and angry you are and how useless my sorries and amends will be?

today i become sure of how i feel. just hoping everything will be better again....im sorry :(

2010-08-01T20:52:00.002+08:00

yes yes. Sarah has no brain. Sarah thinks without doing anything. Even typing this post is a stupid idea but she still does it because she's stupid and doesnt think before doing stuff. Nothing she does is right nor justified. She likes to argue even when she's wrong and has nothing better to say than the meaning 'sorry' when she gives up arguing

She only knows how to think abt her own needs. her wants. she doesnt consider other people's feelings, has no self discipline, not emotionally mature to deal with situations and thus is socially inept. She cant handle herself in public.

she always cries and cries and cries when she's upset and cant take criticisms. she's blur, and clumsy and mentally slow. she cant do anything right.

such a person should never exist on earth. isnt it? i think so too.

what on earth is she doing in medical sch. She ought to have her own brain checked.

and she'sthinking about her own needs again. oh what unrepented selfishness.

Book of Mark

2010-07-07T09:50:00.002+08:00

Today I read, once again, Mark 1 - 4.

The more I read it, the more it starts becoming familiar to me. But of course, I had the help of some guides.

As I try to blog what I learnt today, Im realising that Im stuck. I had thoughts running through my head while I was reading it. But when I try to put it into words, it seems that words would hardly do it justice. And Im afraid of putting people off knowing God if they get the wrong impression that this is some fervent religion.

I just want to know God better. To me, it helps if I think of God as my Dad. If I want to remind myself of what is God like, I think of my Dad, who though imperfect and a non-God believer, demonstrates love for his children that is touching, more or less selfless.

And Im just trying different methods to improve my relationship with God. Yes, I actually dislike saying that I'm a CHRISTIAN. what is that? Does Jesus say such things? I dun recall it...He just talks about being the Son of God. Son = a relation. Maybe I should say instead that: I believe that Im a child of God. And that all of us are. Christians is a man-made thing. So earthly, so self-righteous, so proud and patronising, and DIVISIVE. yes divisive.

it makes me sometimes think of the difference between me and the other religions. and think of them as less 'right' than myself, which is not true at all. Cos by judging them when Im not even God, Im already sinning. And in God's eyes, there is no such thing as a big sin and small sin. Everyone sins. Everyone is water that has droplets of dirt that makes us all dirty.

And God loves all of us. So who are we, so undeserving of love, to not love our neighbours?

Im digressing.

Anyway, I just learnt today that Jesus is God sent down to us in Man form. So that He can mingle with us and learn out ways. And so that we can learn His. Jesus shows us how we Humans can aspire to live a Godly life, by following his ways:

Helping those who ask for help. Comforting and healing the sick. But not boasting about one's deeds. Not doing it for popularity or proof of credibility. But doing it because of compassion, because he wants to draw people in to LISTEN to what he has to say about GOD. To preach OBEDIENCE and SACRIFICE to God.

It's not easy, for me at least. To obey and sacrifice to God. Obey what? sacrifice what? God please speak to me loud and clear. Or, if Im supposed to listen softly, calm me, bring me to peace, open my ears and block out other noises, so that I can hear Your voice.

Then, give me the courage, faith, love, obedience and grace to obey you O Lord.

And I know You're all wise, powerful and loving and will do what's best for me. Help me to be constantly aware of that, and be joyful despite my circumstances, as long as I am doing Your will.

Amen.

K, I should memorise a few verses HAHA.

I picked out a few from Mark 1-4:

Mark 1:7 -8 After me will come one more powerful than I, the thongs of whose sandals I am not worthy to stoop down and untie. 8. I baptise you with water, but he will baptise you with the Holy Spirit.

2010-07-04T18:25:00.005+08:00

Dear God,

today was a meaningful week. i was broken, 1,2,3,4,5 times and more. God, man are so weak. Yet Man choose to turn to Man and other earthly things for comfort. We seek full acceptance and love in relationships and are disappointed time and time again. We ourselves fail to demonstrate the perfect love that we covet for.

We demand love from others, and get disappointed. We demand acceptance and get disappointed, hurt.

And today, it became clear once again, as I cried and cried, that You are the only one who can full understand me and accept and love me fully for who I am. I am Your child. You love me. But like a naughty child, I keep turning away from You.

Lord, i beg you, i pray to You. Please talk to me, appear in front of me and Lead me the way. I wish You could just tell me whether what I'm doing is right or wrong. Whether I should change. How. And just comfort me that everything will be alright. that I am loved and accepted. that I am wonderful in Your eyes, when I feel rejected by others. Lord, comfort me, heal me, guide me and teach me Your ways.

I want to hear Your voice and have the courage to do what You want. Sometimes, I fear that You will ask big sacrifices of me, that I am unwilling to make. I don't know if this is possible, but if so, please let me keep the things I cherish, or make them sth that is holy in Your eyes. I recognise now that I can't do it alone. I need You to work your power. Change the people around me. Change me to change the people around me.

I BELIEVE IN YOU. YOU LORD AM ALIVE. ALWAYS BY MY SIDE AND WATCHING OVER ME, EVEN AS I TYPE THIS ENTRY. AND THAT YOU ARE A LOVING, MERCIFUL, ALL POWERFUL AND WISE GOD. THAT YOU LOVE ME AND GAVE UP YOUR SON TO DIE FOR ME, SO THAT I MAY APPEAR SINLESS IN YOUR PRESENCE AND JOIN YOU BY YOUR SIDE.

give me faith, strength, hope, courage, and love. help me to conduct myself in your like. and touch lives around me. amen.

Father, listen to our earnest prayer
Jesus prayed it years ago
That the glory You had given Him
We would somehow come to know
So make us one according to Your plan
As in heaven it will be
Fill us with the truth and righteousness
You desire the world to see

Let Your glory and honor
Fall on our face
Holy Father
Rest in this place

The church is sick and need of God alone
And people we must seek His face
If we turn from all our unrighteousness
He�ll forgive our evil ways
So may the eyes of God be on us here
Lord, revive us by Your grace
Holy Spirit be forever near
Saturate us in this place

Let Your glory and honor
Fall on our face
Holy Father
Rest in this place

Let the fire fall
Let the wind blow
Let the glory come down

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Indeed, why should I be ashamed that I believe in God. Why do I close doors to listen to Christian music and read the bible in closed rooms? We should be happy that we are God's Children.

I just hope more people can share this joy.

I shall be ashamed no more.

2010-06-29T18:57:00.003+08:00

Everyday's getting more and more depressing. I find myself thinking, more than once a week, and more than 1 week a month, that REALLY, WHAT IS LIFE ABOUT?

I think it's really only after I started doing medicine and realising how small my brain is, how little I know, how much I have to take in, how much more other people have taken in than me, how much harder other people have worked than me, how much smarter other people are than me such that they and not me have what it takes to be a good doctor that I think really: Are you sure you are not suffering from some degenerative brain disorder? Cos really, your mind seems less agile by the day.

And during holidays, oh the long awaited holidays after all the 'hard work', I find myself with NOTHING to do. Well...not really, there are tons of things I could be doing. like attachments, voluntary work, revising, reading up new stuff, exercising, picking up a new skill etc...

but I really dun find in me the drive to do so. If I do, it's prob because I feel like I'm wasting my hols.

So I end up thinking: so sarah, you'rea really one picky person. You dun wanna study during the term. but when the hols come, you dunno what to do with your life. So is ur life dictated by the circumstances around you? for you seem to let it be so. without exams, your life would be meaningless.

I pray to God, asking for direction. But it must be the lack of faith and will in me while I pray, for I cant seem to hear His voice.

I wish both of us had the same holidays. Then it would be so much more fun. I wish i didnt have this internship now, then I could hang out and play sports with my dear friends.

But it's not the case. oh well. I'm not really ocmplaining. I accept it as it is. and try to make do. on some days, I feel happy, blessed, at peace. but today, I just feel terribly restless and lost.

2010-06-26T09:44:00.003+08:00

After a long time,

I've finally come back to the Bible.

Before that, I just kept coming up with excuses of why i shouldn't read it: didn't have time. it wasn't speaking to me.

And it just made me feel like a bad but unrepentent child of God.

Today, after many days of empty 'will-driven' promises to myself that I would pick up the Bible, I finally did.

And this time, I felt happiness just touching the Bible. As if it was a piece of Gold I had not discovered, and found myself thinking, 'I really missed out. '

I prayed for it to teach me how to be a good Christian. How to let go and let God's desires take over my life instead of me trying to take the wheel.

Someone told me that one way to use the bible is to pray, and then randomly choose a passage. God may be talking to me using the passage, or maybe not. Thismethod may not be the right one either. We'll see.

But anyway, I shall write down the passages to keep track of my journey with God.

Luke 16 - Parable of the Shrewd Manager.

Luke 16 - Money and Righteousness

A. The story of the dishonest steward.

1. (1-8) What the dishonest steward did.

He also said to His disciples: "There was a certain rich man who had a steward, and an accusation was brought to him that this man was wasting his goods. So he called him and said to him, ‘What is this I hear about you? Give an account of your stewardship, for you can no longer be steward.’ Then the steward said within himself, ‘What shall I do? For my master is taking the stewardship away from me. I cannot dig; I am ashamed to beg. I have resolved what to do, that when I am put out of the stewardship, they may receive me into their houses.’ So he called every one of his master’s debtors to him, and said to the first, ‘How much do you owe my master?’ And he said, ‘A hundred measures of oil.’ So he said to him, ‘Take your bill, and sit down quickly and write fifty.’ Then he said to another, ‘And how much do you owe?’ So he said, ‘A hundred measures of wheat.’ And he said to him, ‘Take your bill, and write eighty.’ So the master commended the unjust steward because he had dealt shrewdly. For the sons of this world are more shrewd in their generation than the sons of light."

a. There was a certain rich man who had a steward: A steward is a manager, especially a manager of money or property. The steward’s boss (the rich man) hears that his steward is cheating him (wasting his goods), and he calls him to account.

b. What shall I do? For my master is taking the stewardship away from me: When the steward knows that he will be called into account, he knows that he can never pass the scrutiny of his master. He also knows that other options are unattractive to him (I cannot dig; I am ashamed to beg).

c. So he called every one of his master’s debtors to him: So, the steward makes friends with his master’s debtors by settling their accounts for less than they actually owe. The steward, knowing he will be called to account, used his present position to prepare him for the next stage of his life.

i. So the master commended the unjust steward because he had dealt shrewdly: While not approving his conduct, the master did in fact approve the steward’s shrewdness.

d. For obvious reasons, this is Jesus’ most notorious parable. How could Jesus use such an obviously dishonest man as an example for His disciples?

i. God uses evil things that we are familiar with to illustrate a particular point, without praising the thing itself. Other examples of this principle are when Paul used things like war and slavery as illustrations of the Christian life.

e. Yet, the dishonest steward is a praiseworthy example on several points. First, he knew he would be called to account for his life and he took that seriously. Christians should take seriously the idea that they will be called to account, and that idea can be a joy if we are about our Master’s business! Second, he took advantage of his present position to arrange a comfortable future.

f. Jesus’ assessment is still true: the sons of this world are more shrewd in their generation than the sons of light. If we pursued the Kingdom of God with the same vigor and zeal that the children of this world pursue profits and pleasure, we would live in an entirely different world.

i. It is to the shame of the Church that Coca-Cola is more widely distributed than the gospel of Jesus Christ. Simply, it is because the sons of this world are more shrewd in their generation than the sons of light.

ii. "Go to the men of the world, thou Christian, and do not let it be said that the devil’s scholars are more studious and earnest than Christ’s disciples." (Maclaren)

2. (9) Using money now with an eye to eternity.

"And I say to you, make friends for yourselves by unrighteous mammon, that when you fail, they may receive you into an everlasting home."

a. Make friends for yourselves by unrighteous mammon: Jesus transfers the principle illustrated by the story of the unjust steward to us - we need to use our present resources to plan ahead for eternity.

b. That when you fail, they may receive you into an everlasting home: The world is filled with financial planners and advisers; and it is good for Christians to learn how to use their money wisely. But when most Christians talk about wise money management, they forget to practice the most important kind of long term investing: investing with an eye to eternity.

c. The important thing is to invest your resources for the Lord now; most of us wait until the day when we think we will have enough.

i. In a 1992 survey, people were asked how much money they would have to make to have "the American dream." Those who earn $25,000 or less a year thought they would need around $54,000. Those in the $100,000 annual income bracket said that they could buy the dream for an average of $192,000 a year. These figures indicate that we typically think we would have to have double our income in order to find the good life.

3. (10-12) Faithfulness in the little things shows how one will be faithful in the large things.

"He who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much; and he who is unjust in what is least is unjust also in much. Therefore if you have not been faithful in the unrighteous mammon, who will commit to your trust the true riches? And if you have not been faithful in what is another man’s, who will give you what is your own?"

a. He who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much: In these words of Jesus, money is considered to be one of the least things. Yet, if a person cannot be faithful in managing the things that are least, how will they ever be faithful in handling the things that are great?

i. If you are false and unfaithful in everyday life, even if you put on the Christian image, you are also false and unfaithful in your spiritual life - and no one should entrust you with spiritual riches.

b. Therefore if you have not been faithful in the unrighteous mammon: Why does Jesus call it unrighteous mammon? Because "Riches promise much, and perform nothing: they excite hope and confidence, and deceive both: in making a man depend on them for happiness, they rob him of the salvation of God and of eternal glory." (Clarke)

c. Who will commit to your trust the true riches? In this sense, those who are leaders of God’s people must be good managers of their own money. If a person can’t be faithful before God with the money He has given them, how can they be faithful with the care of people?

i. This certainly does not mean that leaders in the church have to be wealthy or make a lot of money. It is an issue of how they manage the resources God has given to them, not how great their resources are.

ii. Unfortunately, when it comes to the question who will commit to your trust the true riches, far too many Christians are willing to entrust their spiritual care to a person who can’t even care for the things of unrighteous mammon.

d. If you have not been faithful in what is another man’s: here, Jesus seems to be referring to the fact that all our riches belong to God, and we must see that we are managing His resources. Faithfulness in this will result in blessing that is our own.

4. (13) No one can be faithful to more than one master.

"No servant can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be loyal to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon."

a. No servant can serve two masters: Having two masters is not like working two jobs; here, Jesus has the master and slave relationship in view. A slave can’t belong to two masters at the same time.

i. Jesus states that serving two masters is a simple impossibility. If you think that you are successfully serving two masters, you are deceived! One can have both money and God; but one cannot serve both money and God.

ii. Certainly, Jesus is talking about the heart here. Many people would say they love God, but their service of money shows that in fact they do not. How can we tell Who or what we are serving? One way is by remembering this principle: you will sacrifice for your God. If you will sacrifice for the sake of money, but will not sacrifice for the sake of Jesus, don’t deceive yourself: money is your God.

iii. On a Friday afternoon in 1990, a businessman staggered to the steps of his Los Angeles office. Before he died of the gunshot wound to his chest, he called out the names of his three children. But he still had his $10,000 Rolex watch clutched in his hand. He was the victim of a rash of Rolex robberies - and was killed as a sacrifice to his god.

iv. A 1992 story in the Los Angeles Times told about Michelle, a successful writer and editor, who fears the day her husband might discover her secret stash of credit cards, her secret post office box or the other tricks she uses to hide how much money she spends shopping for herself. "I make as much money as my husband . . . If I want a $500 suit from Ann Taylor, I deserve it and don’t want to be hassled about it. So the easiest thing to do is lie," she explains. Last year, when her husband forced her to destroy one of her credit cards, Michelle went out and got a new one without telling him. "I do live in fear. If he discovers this new VISA, he’ll kill me."

v. A school teacher explained more: "Men just don’t understand that shopping is our drug of choice," she joked, even while admitting that some months her salary goes exclusively to paying the minimum balance on her credit cards. "Walking through the door of South Coast Plaza is like walking though the gates of heaven. God made car trunks for women to hide shopping bags in."

vi. A young professional named Mary explained: "Shopping is my recreation. It’s my way of pampering myself. When you walk into [a mall] and you see all the stores, it’s like something takes over and you get caught up in it."

b. You cannot serve God and mammon: Some think that just because they are not rich, they can’t be a slave to money (mammon). But you don’t have to be rich to serve mammon; the poor can be just as greedy and covetous as the rich person is.

5. (14-15) Jesus responds to the Pharisees’ derision.

Now the Pharisees, who were lovers of money, also heard all these things, and they derided Him. And He said to them, "You are those who justify yourselves before men, but God knows your hearts. For what is highly esteemed among men is an abomination in the sight of God."

a. And they derided Him: The derision of the Pharisees was based on their own self-interest. They were lovers of money. Often we reject the message of Jesus because it hits too close to home.

b. You are those who justify yourselves before men, but God knows your hearts: It is one thing to justify yourselves before men, because smooth words and a "loving" smile can deceive men. But God knows your hearts - when you are serve another master, it is impossible to be justified before God, no matter what men think.

c. God judges our hearts with a different set of values: for what is highly esteemed among men is an abomination in the sight of God. Men may honor you because of your wealth and your public display of spirituality. But God sees who you really are.

6. (16-18) The unchanging nature of God’s law.

"The law and the prophets were until John. Since that time the kingdom of God has been preached, and everyone is pressing into it. And it is easier for heaven and earth to pass away than for one tittle of the law to fail. Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced from her husband commits adultery."

a. The law and the prophets were until John: Now, since that time (the time ending with John the Baptist’s ministry) the good news of a new covenant is presented, with an order that is different than the law, yet it fulfills the law.

b. The kingdom of God has been preached, and everyone is pressing into it: In Jesus’ day, there were hundreds of revolutionaries willing to use great violence to bring in the kingdom of God. While we do not imitate their violence, we do imitate their dedication, their willingness to sacrifice, and their passion to see the Messiah reign. We are at war!

i. But the new order that we must press into is not an order of rebellion; it is a new order of submission and obedience to God; His new order fulfills the law.

c. Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery: For example, the law concerning marriage is still binding - no matter how some Rabbis may try to explain it away. Some Rabbis taught that if a woman burned her husbands breakfast, it was grounds for divorce. Others considered finding a prettier woman to be acceptable grounds for divorce.

i. Jesus here teaches the ideal regarding marriage and divorce, and it is dangerous for us to for doctrine on isolated statements of Jesus without taking into account the whole counsel of His teaching.

d. But if you won’t respond to what God has clearly shown you (such as what the Bible teaches about divorce), how can you hope to receive His Word on other things? We must be careful that we never do what the Pharisees did: show an outward agreement with the word of God, but inwardly resisting it and thus denying it

- this is just one source, so it may not be the most reliable, but i'll make do.

me is tired after driving...

2010-06-05T03:09:00.001+08:00

Sarah is sad.

2010-06-01T17:42:00.000+08:00

dying dying...my brain is saturated...cant take in anymore stuff..

2010-06-01T15:46:00.002+08:00

I will have faith in You in times of joy and times of need.

How Great Thou Art!

1. O Lord my God, when I in awesome wonder
Consider all the works Thy hands have made,
I see the stars, I hear the rolling/mighty thunder,
Thy pow'r thru-out the universe displayed!

Chorus:
Then sings my soul, my Savior God, to Thee:
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!
Then sings my soul, my Savior God, to Thee:
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!

2. When thru the woods and forest glades I wander
And hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees,
When I look down from lofty mountain grandeur
And hear the brook and feel the gentle breeze,

(Chorus)

3. And when I think that God, His Son not sparing,
Sent Him to die, I scarce can take it in
That on the cross, my burden gladly bearing,
He bled and died to take away my sin!

(Chorus)

4. When Christ shall come with shout of acclamation
And take me home, what joy shall fill my heart!
Then I shall bow in humble adoration
And there proclaim, my God, how great Thou art!

Me love God. What Daniella says is so right. Though I wouldnt know it yet, I think it's true that God only give us what we can deal with. Peace be to all!

2010-05-29T00:20:00.003+08:00

I still think medicine rocks. This is such a love-hate relationship.

Loving it. hating it.

2010-05-29T00:15:00.001+08:00

I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this.

2010-05-28T16:09:00.002+08:00

I can do this. God, pls help me.

I suck. I shouldn't be asking things from you. Isnt it I who should be following Your plans and not the other way around. Im just so afriad of what will happen if things do not follow my way. The pride of a Man. who thinks they are always right. who thinks they know best. who thinks that the things that exist in this world, the things that are REAL because they can be seen and touched and felt and therefore belived in and true, are indeed the most important things that can be used to sustain their lives.

They strive for these things in life. Afriad to let go because what they will be left with is emptiness.

Time and time again, we are taught that the immaterial is not emptiness but the fullness of life.

God is immaterial, but He is the most omnipotent, omnipresent of all...

GOD.

Sometimes I feel like giving up all this, in pursuit of You.

How can you differentiate between what is God's wish and what is your own wishful interpretation of His wishes.

the bible. through it I will be able to understand Him better, know Him better and hear His wishes.

But I just cant bring myself to sit down and read it.

:( lousy.

I can still rmb the times when I had so much faith in You. and just put myself in Your hands. Instead of saying, God help me with this. I said, God, do what You think is best for me.h

God, if not for anything, pls help me have more faith in You. Help me say once again, in the greatest sincerity and faith, 'God, You know what's best for me. Just work Your magic and steer me in the direction of Your wishes. Do what You think is
best for me.'

I want to meet You.

2010-05-15T16:22:00.001+08:00

I LOVE YOU GOD.

2010-05-12T03:30:00.002+08:00

I HATE BEING SCOLDED. I JUST HATE IT. THE FEELING IS AWFUL. omg. sian. u just begin to feel bad about urself. and you just begin to hate yourself so much. and feel like you're not good enough. not good enough for anything.

after all these years of living on this earth, and you still are no more sensible than a child? what is freaking wrong with you you damn idiotic stupid freaking idiotic stupid dense dumb girl.

WHY THE HELL ARE YOU EVEN TRYING TO BE A DOCTOR WHEN THE WHOLE FREAKING WORLD IS MORE SENSIBLE THAN YOURSELF.

freak.

and i can feel myself becoming more vulgar as the days/ years go by. just replace the freaks with the f-word, you would probably have a more accurate idea of how i am feeling now, and therefore an uglier picture of what i am like.

self-hating i know. i want to love myself too. just that at this current moment, i dont really see anything lovable about myself.

2010-05-10T04:21:00.002+08:00

why do you make my life so freaking difficult? You bring it up the the highest points and then bring me all the way down again.

And only you and God can soothe my pain. God help me. you help me too. pls?

ouch.

IT HURTS. do you know?

2010-05-08T21:11:00.001+08:00

How should a Christian behave in times of crisis? Should she swear when she is angry and frustrated?

like now?

like if she's so freaking stressed because 1) she has so much to study for 2) she has so little time 3) she can't rmb what she has studied 4) she is beginning to realise how much she has forgotten or gotten mixed up 5) she can't hardcore study everything cos she knows deep down inside that nothing would go in properly and everything would be even more jumbled up in her head. 6) she HAS to get merit. or else. 7) she knows that she really should not be whining about this. It's starting to get really irritating. both for her and for the person who hears it almost everyday. she's getting irritated herself for keep saying it. 8) but if she doesnt say it, she would just be keeping it inside. and one day, she'll explode.

WHAT SHOULD SHE DO?

she knows, that she should be praying, reading the bible and putting everything in God.

not even to ask him to give her the grades, but to ask Him to do what's best for her, to show her His plans and to guide her towards His plans.

it's kinda scary to just let go. (yes, try her best, but not to the point that she is trying TOO hard to get what SHE wants.)

Just let go.

Let go.

So far, letting go has brought the best into her life. It has for so many things. And even this Easter, this MCD preparation. It has been fine.

So why should she not be able to do it again?

Why? Why?

Sarah, let go, let Jesus take the wheel...

2010-02-03T07:57:00.001+08:00

hate my life now.

Packing

2009-09-26T09:43:00.004+08:00

Sarah feels horrible now...

Sarah just started packing...She couldn't stop grabbing familiar pillows and softtoy dogs from her bed and bringing it to the luggage-packing-area...and all the photo frames that have accompanied her since always, since her mum decorated her room when she first moved house...

:( I dun wanna bring clothes anymore...let me just bring stuff that reminds me of home.

2009-09-24T16:31:00.001+08:00

Sarah is upset today.

Sarah thinks she knows why deep down she's so upset.

But Sarah can't tell anyone without hurting people and being mean and hurting herself.

So Sarah keeps it inside.

Sarah remains upset till.

Oh wow

2009-09-24T15:56:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I forget that the world turns even when I stop moving.

After a long long time, I paid my final visit to NCC. Actually, I could have done it a long long time ago, but I kept postponing it...is it because i dread saying goodbye? No. I think it's more because I dread saying hello...The contrast is too great. For 1 week, I stuck to the doctors like a shadow...like seriously everywhere...for clinics, ward rounds, board meetings, staff meetings, visits, coffe breaks, lunch breaks, research..listening to them discusss about their cases, hospital policies and problems...and after that, realised I couldn't quite get enough of hospitals so I stuck around to help with a research project. Then I realised I applied for an SGH attachment, so I had another week with the various cancer departments and then cos they needed help with research again, so I was there again. HAHA

basically I think most doctors recognised me by then..as the A-lvl student/ aspiring med student with nothing else to do. HAHA

then yeah, just before med interviews, I tendered my resignation and I basically disappeared after that..got too caught up in A*STAR stuff, NUS stuff, Imperial stuff and other medical attachments, volunteer work and random stuff I wanted to do before I started selling my life to medicine.

So while I decided on when I should start emailing the doctors to ask them for a date, I couldn't help wondering if our meetings would be filled with awkward silences, and them wondering "who is she?!?!" and whether it's a bit weird for me to go back..

lala...but in the end, I thought it was only polite to tell them at least where I shall be going, how I was doing and thank them once again for their patient guidance and teaching.

After so many months away, there was indeed a big change...Dr Tan signed on too on some A*STAR scholarship LOL...and no wonder why he could rattle on about all the requirements and Don'ts of the scholarshippp... LOL...funny how a doctor who was my mentor is bonded to the same organisation as me nowww cos it makes us kinda on the same boat..like partners-in-crime than anything else.

It was real fun talking to him HAHAHHA...miss all his small talks about random stuff...cos he's really amusing in his own way...

And happens that there was another Dr called Dr Farid there in the room... HAHA...they really treated me like some pal I think LOL...tried to aim a paper ball into the basket and missed...

Then heard from him that Dr Tai was away on some seminar...

Dr Koo was busy as usual..but nonetheless during our talk, showed little signs of impatience and always smiling, asking after me...typical of him...He's awesome...he's like some big shot in NCC but he has no airs at all...super humble, always saying hi first to everyone, even the cleaners...awesome awesome doctor that I truly respect.

yeah lor, so I came out of NCC feeling a little moody..not sure why..cos indeed during the whole time a whole bunch of thoughts were passing through my head...like 1) oh wow..what a change in just a few months..I alreayd feel out of touch..I wonder how things will be like each time I return...I'll miss everyone..I'll miss the familiarity...

2) CANCER institute...sigh...around me, ppl I know are suffering from cancer...went to the hospice recently, a patient who was okay when I left died...till today, I still have random flashbacks of those patients, their smiles, their quirks, their stories...Last time, I didnt quite understand what dr koo meant when he said that patients know straightaway what you mean when you send them to NCC. not good news. but this time, I come with different eyes..and I see NCC as this centre SPECIALLY CREATED FOR CANCER PATIENTS...it's a terrible feeling to know that when you step in, you're surrounded by cancer patients, suffering, hoping to recover...it's a terrible feeling knowing that the familiar faces you see as you come in regularly for chemo are all familiar cos they're in the same boat as you and cos you go to NCC regularly...

SIGH...then recently, after passing my driving test, watched some gory video that OBVIOUSLY was there to scare the freak out of us so we'll drive safely...but butbut..there were also pictures of PEDESTRIANS, INNOCENT DRIVERS who got caught in the accident and died...

í dunno, just feel that it's SO EASY to get killed/ die...just like that...

Already, I think my body is kinda failing in some areas...like my joints,.,whatever...we're not as fast as when we were kids in learning stuff...forgetful..whatever...

I think in hte future, I'll suffer from something...but I don't want to...it's so painful...illness disturbs your daily functions, prevents you from doing what you can to keep fit, be happy, be beautiful, and live life to the fullest....

I dun want my family members and ppl that I love to suffer like that either...I want to be able to spend life's greatest moments with them...

Mortality and Morbidity seems so far, yet yet yet...it's what we do now that will determine to some extent what we will become in that far future...

oh how depressing it sounds that we don't take care of ourselves now. me included.

Good day!!!

2009-09-24T01:51:00.001+08:00

Good day!!!

I found a electronics website days ago. they have lots of electronic producst such as

laptops,gps,LCD,cell phones,ps3,MP3/MP4,motorcycles etc........ .

Just have a look at this web page : <besthonest.com>

I am sure you will find anything you like and save a lot of money!

Best regards!

Make the most of what you can do on your PC and the Web, just the way you want. Windows Live

Prime Minister's Speech

2009-08-16T21:52:00.002+08:00

Today the Prime Minister, Lee Hsien Loong spoke at the National Day Rally. He talked about religion, which tugged close to my heart.

He talked about how Singapore is a multireligious society which is currently facing many challenges: the Christian and Muslim religions are undergoing a revival, resulting in them becoming more fervent about their religion, some taking their religion to the streets and promoting them a bit too vigorously. He talked about how such behaviour may offend other religions and cause religious conflict, sth so horribly unimaginable in singapore.

Then all these talk made me think about my own religion...whether, from a christian point of view, such a national call for religious tolerance and open-mindedness will be well-received. and how to bridge the Seemingly large chasm between being a religious person and being a socially responsible citizen in a secular country.

Well, I concluded that the chasm CAN be bridged.

You see, as Christians, we are told that there is only ONE GOD. and that GOD sent Jesus to spread his word to us. That god's word to us is thus found in the bible that christians study. Christians want to spread this good news, that by acknowledging Jesus as our saviour and proclaiming our love for him, that he can be saved.

And because the christian god is against the worshipping of false prophets, some christians might reject other religions and try their hardest to evangelise.

And for first generationers, knowing God, learning to love God more than anything else and to reject "satanic forces"that draw us away from god, if our parents or other people try to stop us from knowing God or following God's ways, they might reject their parents, friends or even other religions.

BUT BUT BUT, here lies the catch. Yes God is a strict, disciplinary God. God detests all sins cause he is so pure. We must break away from all sins and follow the path of God and only God in order to reach heaven.

But among the rules of good conduct of God, lies the rule : Be kind to your neighbours, love your brothers as you love yourself, honour your parents etc.......

and that GOD will judge the people. Not us, who are so limited in our sight, limited in our minds, limited in our mercy, greatest, kindness, grace and holiness...

So leave the judging to God...and love our brothers, love our fellow singaporeans, love all religions as our own...for it is harder and much more noble to love brothers that you dislike, than to love those that you love/ love you back.

2009-08-15T22:55:00.001+08:00

"True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be and will not be." (Unknown)